Step One: I persistently return to destructive patterns.
That could be alcohol, sex-related acting out, romance-related acting out, gambling, pills, drugs, starvation, binging, purging, etc. Some of these are mine.
In Al-Anon: there are four destructive patterns (with variants) I see in my case:
(1) Taking responsibility where it's not my mine to take
- Trying to control your addiction, recovery, or life
- Offering you solutions you already have
- Working those solutions for you
- Creating a crisis
- Martyrdom, mothering, managing, manipulation
(2) Not taking responsibility where it is mine to take
- Neglect of my own needs, duties, and enjoyment of life
(3) Giving you responsibility where it's not yours to take
- Blaming you for what is not your fault
- Asking you to rescue me
- Relying on you for energy, creativity, spontaneity, and passion
(4) Denying your responsibility where it is yours to take
- Permitting unhealthy behaviour beyond reasonable bounds of tolerance / not setting boundaries
- Making excuses / covering up
- Denying the effect of your conduct on me
- Preventing a crisis when it is in the natural course of things
That's the baseline, and that's what the Steps, Traditions, Concepts, Fellowship, and Service have solved for me.