Here's my understanding of detachment with love:
I continue to have respect for the other person, as another person.
If I love the person, in a sentimental sense, I continue to hold that sentiment.
I excise from myself any condemnation, grievance, resentment, and hatred.
I continue to have compassion and understanding for the person and their situation ...
... though I do not dwell on them or their situation.
I help where help is due ...
... but do not do for them what they should do for themselves.
I do not base my happiness on what they do or do not do.
I do not place any practical reliance on what they do or do not do.
I do not expect them to change, get well, or stay well.
If behaviour crosses certain lines, I reserve the right to distance myself.
This means changing when and how I interact.
I reserve the right also to halt interaction, temporarily or permanently.
I may ask them to leave, or I may leave.
I do not direct or manipulate them to act a certain way.
I do not punish.
I do not compensate for their shortcomings.
I do not pick up the pieces when they scatter or drop them.
I do not apologise or cover for them.
I do not keep secrets for them or lie for them.
I do not offer advice not asked for.
I do not offer the same advice twice.
I do not monitor, snoop, spy, or pry.
I do not complain about them to others.
I keep the focus on myself and the conduct of my life