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First 164

How I used the 'Big Book' to recover: some personal experiences and views of one individual. This is not an official twelve-step fellowship website. I do not speak for any twelve-step fellowship. The material is shared for fun and for free. If it helps, great! If it doesn't, don't worry about it! My programme is a perpetual beta, so it changes with my experience. If you're on the mobile app, click the hamburger (≡) in the top right for pages and links.

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Showing posts with the label Preferences

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What’s the difference between a preference and a demand?

on March 10, 2023

Demands Preferences

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Blueprints, demands, preferences, and boundaries

on May 16, 2021

Demands Preferences

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Czech ¦ čeština
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Latvian ¦ latviešu
Polish ¦ polski język
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Key blog entries

Doing the Steps in Al-Anon
Emergency pack: triangle check-list + resentment-/fear-/guilt- & shame-busters
Good grief
How to get out of hell
I need to do the Steps in [insert fellowship]
Ideological resentment
Inside help
Love
Low-hanging fruit
Myth-busting 2.0
Occupation, livelihood, purpose, job, career
Prayer Q&A
Step Ten for sticky situations
The programme works
Victimhood, rage, and control
What did alcohol do for me?
Why we feel what we feel

Quick links (internal)

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How I recovered + how to proceed
Step One and Beyond Daily Topics
Old Worksheets (up to 2020)

External links

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Father Tom W in Berlin, 2025

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2020 126
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2024 446
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2026 444
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Labels

AA history3 Abandonment1 Abstinence7 Acceptance68 Acting out10 Action86 Addiction9 Adulthood2 Adversity1 Advice17

Agency1 Agitated1 Agnosticism7 Agreement2 Al-Anon376 Al-Anon slips2 Al-Anonism2 Alcohol2 Alcoholism32 Altruism2 Ambition7 Amends16 Anger27 Anniversaries2 Anonymity10 Anxiety17 Any lengths4 Apologies2 Apology3 Appearances1 Area / District / Region3 Argument4 Armed services liaison1 Arrogance10 Assets1 Atheism13 Attachment3 Attack5 Attention-seeking2 Attitude5 Authenticity4 Authority2 Autonomy11 Avocation2 Balance4 Ballots1 Basic suggestions6 Bedevilments4 Behaviour9 Being wrong6 Belief8 Beliefs7 Big Book36 Bill Wilson2 Bill's Story1 Bitterness1 Black-and-white thinking1 Blackouts1 Blame30 Blessings2 Boredom1 Boundaries52 Brainstorm2 BS-busting3 Business meetings18 Cabbages1 Calamity1 Candour7 Caretaking1 Causes and Conditions5 Cease fighting1 Certain Type of Hard Drinker4 Certainty1 Chairing7 Change79 Character3 Character assets4 Character defects52 Charity1 Cheerfulness3 Chemistry2 Child of God1 Childhood2 Childishness1 Children1 Choice14 Clarity1 Codependency13 Cognitive biases1 Cognitive distortions6 Comfort1 Commitment12 Committees1 Common sense3 Common welfare1 Communication9 Community2 Comparison1 Compassion6 Complacency2 Complaining10 Completion2 Compliance6 Compulsion6 Concept I14 Concept II10 Concept III21 Concept IV9 Concept IX11 Concept V14 Concept VI11 Concept VII7 Concept VIII6 Concept X13 Concept XI12 Concept XII23 Conception of God2 Condemnation5 Conference6 Conference Charter1 Conference Delegates2 Conference-Approved Literature1 Confession3 Confidence1 Conflict17 Confusion2 Connection4 Consciousness5 Consequences2 Consideration4 Consistency2 Consultation6 Consumption1 Control43 Controversy2 Conventions and conferences3 Cooperation1 Corrective measures27 Courage9 Courtesy3 Craziness2 Credit1 Creditors1 Crises10 Criticism15 Current affairs1 Current Agnosticism1 Daily plan6 Daily programme25 Darkness5 Death of self1 Death Threats12 Debate4 Decisions49 Defence6 Delusion24 Demands45 Democracy2 Denial2 Depression21 Design for living1 Desire4 Despair17 Detachment93 Detox2 Difficulties4 Diligence9 Directions7 Disagreement1 Disappointment1 Discernment2 Discipline7 Discontent4 Discretion4 Discussion5 Disease6 Dishonesty3 Disillusionment1 Disruption1 Disturbance9 Doctor's Opinion2 Domination1 Doubtful1 Dr Bob1 Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers1 Drama10 Dreams1 Drinking10 Drugs2 Duties3 Early AA2 Early days3 Effect1 Efficiency1 Effort7 Electronic media2 Emergency measures9 Emmet Fox3 Emotional sobriety6 Emotions100 Empathy1 Empowerment1 Enabling3 Encouragement1 Enjoyment4 Entanglement1 Enthusiasm5 Equanimity5 Error4 Etiquette2 Events2 Everyday life2 Evil2 Example1 Excitement1 Expectations8 Experience3 Explanation5 Extrapolation1 Extremism1 Facts1 Failure2 Faith23 False idols7 Family3 Family Afterward6 Fantasy1 Fatality3 Fault1 Fear94 Fear inventory3 Fearlessness1 Feelings2 Fellowship22 First Things First11 Fit Spiritual Condition10 Flattery1 Flexibility1 Flyers3 Focus3 Food Addiction8 Foolishness1 Forethought1 Forewords8 Forgiveness42 Four Ms1 Fourth dimension7 Fred's story1 Freedom13 French6 Friendship1 Frustration1 Full measures1 Fun4 Fundamentalism2 Futility3 Future13 GA1 Gambling Addiction5 Games1 Gaslighting2 Generalisation3 Ghosting1 Gift1 Giving11 God157 God-communication6 God-consciousness10 God-directedness7 God-reliance240 God's business12 God's providence3 God's will82 Goodness1 Gossip2 Grace9 Gratitude21 Greed1 Grief6 Grievance10 Grouch1 Group conscience27 Group inventory2 Groups23 Growing up3 Growth6 GSR5 Guilt29 Half measures5 Hammer Man1 Happiness37 Harassment3 Hard times3 Harm6 Harmony2 Harry M. Tiebout1 Hatred1 Healing1 Hebrew6 Hedonism1 Hell1 Helping14 Hermit (being a)1 Higher Power31 Hobbies1 Home group21 Honesty31 Hope16 Hopelessness3 Humility71 Hurt10 Ideals8 Identification6 Identity29 Illusions2 Imagination1 Immaturity4 Immorality3 Imperfection3 Impulse4 Impulse-control3 Inaction1 Inadequacy2 Incurability3 Independence5 Individualism1 Individuality1 Indwelling God2 Infantilisation1 Informal fallacies1 Ingratiation1 Inner child1 Innocence2 Insanity14 Insecurity4 Inside job5 Inspiration6 Instructions3 Intelligence6 Intelligent agent4 Intentions4 Interference12 Intergroup7 Interpretation4 Intervening God3 Intimacy10 Intoxication1 Intrusion1 Intuition6 Inventory16 Irony1 Irritable4 Isolation1 JA1 Jaywalker1 Jealousy4 Jim's Story1 Joy14 Judgement23 Jung1 Just For Today card1 Keep It Simple17 Kindness6 Knowledge3 Language15 Language of the Big Book8 Last word1 Laurels1 Leadership3 Learning4 Leaving others alone1 Leaving recovery1 Lessons1 Let Go And Let God8 Let It Begin With Me36 Letting go26 Letting go of old ideas22 Lifelong conceptions1 Light4 Listening5 Live And Let Live2 Living in the triangle1 Logic3 Logical fallacies1 London1 Loneliness2 Long-term sobriety9 Loss2 Love37 Love Addiction10 Manageability1 Management7 Manipulation20 Marriage1 Martyrdom2 Materialism38 Maturity5 Maximum service12 Meaning1 Medical problems2 Meditation50 Meeting formats2 Meetings62 Memory1 Mental Obsession54 Metaphysics4 Method3 Mind1 Mind-control1 Minding My Own Business5 Miracles6 Misery7 Mistakes1 Mistrust1 Moderate drinkers1 Modesty1 Money5 Mood4 Moral aspect4 Moralism1 Morality11 Morbidity1 More About Alcoholism2 Mortality3 Mothering4 Motivation / motives12 Multiple fellowships8 Musts1 My business2 Myths2 Narcissism1 Narratives2 Needs2 Negativity19 Neutrality4 Newcomers16 News1 Nicotine1 Nihilism1 Now10 OA1 Obedience1 Obligations2 Obsession4 ODAT124 Offence10 One Day At A Time14 Online forums1 Open-mindedness9 Openness3 Opinions2 Optimism2 Order1 Other people2 Outer world1 Outlining1 Outsourcing1 Pain25 Paranoia3 Past22 Patience17 Pausing14 Peace27 People-pleasing14 People-reliance10 Perception18 Perfection5 Perfectionism4 Persistence6 Personalisation2 Perspective16 Pharisees1 Philosophy1 Physical Craving29 Physical health3 Pills1 Pity5 Plain Language Big Book2 Planning13 Playing God8 Poise1 Politics1 Positivity5 Potential Alcoholic1 Power21 Powerlessness67 Practicality3 Practice2 Prayer71 Preamble1 Preface4 Preferences2 Prejudice1 Preparedness1 Present14 Pride19 Primary Purpose7 Principles3 Priorities4 Problem-Solving17 Problems97 Problems Other Than Alcohol6 Programme2 Progress11 Progression4 Projection7 Promises7 Prudence1 Psychic change3 Psychological aspect4 Public information7 Punishment1 Purpose18 Quarantining3 Quarterly review3 Questions10 Quotations1 Rationalisation3 Rationality2 Reaction5 Reactivity7 Reading5 Ready2 Real Alcoholic4 Realism1 Reality52 Realm of the material19 Realm of the spirit24 Reason13 Receiving1 Recordings1 Recovered vs recovering1 Recovery21 Redemption1 Relapse76 Relationship with God4 Relationships76 Relief4 Religion8 Remorse4 Removal of character defects6 Requests2 Rescuing1 Resentment103 Reservations1 Resistance30 Resolutions5 Respect2 Respond Not Reacting2 Response3 Responsibility107 Restless4 Restraint2 Results4 Reworking the Twelve Steps19 Right action1 Right of Appeal1 Right of Decision1 Right of Petition1 Rigour1 Rising above the problem3 Risk1 Rock-bottom10 Romance1 Romance Addiction16 Rudeness1 Rule 621 Rules3 S-Anon4 SA5 Sabotage3 Sacred cows1 Safeguarding2 Safety2 Salvation2 Sane and Sound Ideal2 Sanity11 Sarcasm1 Satire1 Satisfaction1 Scepticism1 Second surrender20 Secrets2 Self (ego)147 Self-abandonment52 Self-absorption8 Self-care3 Self-centredness15 Self-confidence2 Self-control3 Self-deception4 Self-esteem30 Self-examination1 Self-forgetting12 Self-imposed crisis1 Self-justification11 Self-obsession13 Self-pity7 Self-regulation2 Self-reliance44 Self-righteousness5 Self-sacrifice5 Self-sufficiency2 Self-will36 Selfish programme3 Selfishness23 Sensitivity2 Separation from God6 Serenity5 Serenity Prayer13 Service71 Service meetings2 SETA 2024 Traditions in Relationships Q&A12 Setting aside1 Sex8 Sex Addiction20 Shame12 Sharing67 Shortcuts1 Silence5 Simplicity37 Sincerity1 Singlemindedness1 Singleness of purpose1 Slavery1 Sleep1 Slogans7 Slovak1 Sobering up2 Sobriety18 Society2 Solution17 Solutions86 Sordid places1 Speakers1 Speaking4 Special interest groups2 Speculation2 Speed2 Spirit2 Spiritual awakening43 Spiritual basis7 Spiritual bypass5 Spiritual disease1 Spiritual experience1 Spiritual growth2 Spiritual malady21 Spiritual pride3 Spiritual principles18 Spiritual solution18 Spirituality32 Sponsorship171 Stability1 Staying close to God6 Staying sober2 Step buddies1 Step Eight28 Step Eleven1 Step Eleven (during the day)3 Step Eleven (general)3 Step Eleven (morning)58 Step Eleven (night)36 Step Five17 Step Four47 Step Four: Page 67 questions8 Step Four: Resentment Inventory17 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Bridge Passage7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: First Column4 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Second Column7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Third Column15 Step Nine35 Step One133 Step One (Al-Anon)17 Step One (insanity)34 Step Seven63 Step Six45 Step Ten55 Step Three70 Step Three Idea13 Step Three Requirement15 Step Twelve10 Step Twelve (all our affairs)48 Step Twelve (carrying the message)85 Step Twelve (service)4 Step Two54 Step Two Proposition4 Step XII1 Step Zero5 Stoicism1 Stopping drinking7 Stories3 Straightforwardness1 Strength1 Stress2 Structure of the fellowship1 Study2 Sub-committee3 Success13 Suffering19 Suggestions15 Suicide1 Surrender145 Sympathy2 Tact4 Take It Easy2 Talking12 Teachability1 Teaching1 Teamaking1 Therapy2 There Is A Solution5 Thinking166 Thirteenth Step1 Thoroughly5 Three Legacies1 Three-fold1 Time3 Tips4 Tiredness1 To Wives3 Tolerance25 Toxicity2 Tradition I30 Tradition II25 Tradition III11 Tradition IV30 Tradition IX22 Tradition V23 Tradition VI12 Tradition VII19 Tradition VIII7 Tradition X26 Tradition XI16 Tradition XII18 Treasury1 Triggers3 Troubles13 True from the false (cannot differentiate)1 Trust46 Truth26 Trying1 Turning over15 Twelve Concepts13 Twelve Step Fellowships4 Twelve Steps46 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions6 Twelve Traditions12 Two-fold2 Two-Stepping1 Tyranny2 Uncertainty2 Uncommon sense2 Understanding3 Unhappiness46 Unity9 Unmanageability36 Untreated alcoholism2 Upset41 Urgency2 Usefulness9 Validation4 Values14 Vanity1 Victimhood65 Vigilance1 Vision1 Voting1 Vulnerability2 Waiting1 Wanting16 Wanting to stop2 Warranty IV3 Warranty V1 Warranty VI1 We Agnostics6 Wholeness1 Willingness66 Willpower2 Withdrawal5 Work16 Workaholism2 Working the Steps14 Workshop packs4 World (the)7 Worry24 Worship1 Young people and AA1 Zeal3 עברית7 ענווה1

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