When I’m upset and blame it on others, I’ve construed myself a victim.
I then rage.
I then devise systems of control to change others.
Whenever I see a system of control, behind the control is rage, and behind the rage is victimhood.
In, AA, there has been a proliferation of attempts to control, some of which have made it past Conference into official guidance to groups.
We have the yellow card, the card on medication, the card on harassment, and now the unending discussion of safeguarding.
Behind these control measures, too, is rage and victimhood.
Does AA have another solution to misbehaviour in groups?
Yes, in the Big Book, in the Traditions, and in the Just For Today card.
“Both of you will awaken to a new sense of responsibility for others.” (Page 119, Big Book): We learn, individually, to take care of each other and to be considerate towards each other.
“Live and let live is the rule. If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other.” (Page 118, Big Book) and “Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.” (Just for Today card): I do not need to fix, change, control, or regulate another person. Other people’s misbehaviour almost invariably dies down or abates if starved of oxygen.
“Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything else to my own desires.” (Just For Today card): I do not need to get others in the group to behave differently or the group to do anything differently in order to please me. I adjust to what is. I do not make proposals to bring the group in line with my vision.
Tradition Two: “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience.” God works through the group conscience to solve any problem that arises. If there is a problem the group needs to solve, if God is referred to, God will solve it. The problem does not need a human solution. What human solution could be better than God’s? Each situation is different and requires God’s individual input, not a procedure devised before the situation arose.
Tradition Four: “With respect to its own affairs, each AA group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience,” and Tradition Two: “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” This means we leave people to govern themselves, and groups to govern themselves. No centrally issued diktats, guides, regulations, admonishments, either from Conference or the General Service Board to Groups or from the groups’ officers to their members.
Tradition Nine: “Each AA group needs the least possible organization.” This means almost everything can be handled informally in the moment without predetermined procedures and systems.
“Just for today I will be unafraid.” (Just For Today card): I do not need to be alarmed by others’ behaviour. I can trust God instead and seek guidance from Him.
“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” (Page 87, Big Book): If someone else’s behaviour disturbs me, I can ask God what to do in the moment. Probably I should ignore it. But if I need to say something, I can say it, and God will show me what to say. I do not outsource this to others, to group officers, to handbooks or guidelines, or to the group itself, except in rare and unusual circumstances. Almost everything can be handled at this level.
“The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.” (Page 160, Big Book): So, handle things practically in the moment; no kangaroo courts, demonisation, witch-hunts, censorship, or censure; total relaxation and intuitive navigation at all times; give everyone a voice and have no hierarchy.
In implementation of this, I have invariably seen groups instinctively navigate tough situations and arrive at excellent solutions without any need for formal procedures or guidelines. If the group’s members are generally working decent programmes, they will do very well. If the group’s members are ham-fisted, then procedures and guidelines will fail, because their implementation will be ham-fisted, and the result will be no better than if they had proceeded instinctively and based on common sense: in fact, the result is often worse, because the individuals’ natural instinct is discounted, set aside, or overridden.
In other words, the message from individuals to groups is: leave me be, and the message from groups to Conference and the General Service Board is: leave us be.