“If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all—every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. When ready, we say something like this: ‘My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.’ We have then completed Step Seven.” (Page 76, Big Book)
In the past, I looked for outside help for my problems. In
early recovery, a chemical solution; later, a psychological solution. I
abandoned the former quickly, with alarm. I had a few goes with the latter,
before I finally looked back inside AA for a solution.
Nothing wrong with either of these solutions for most
people. Neither worked for me, though. What’s more, there’s no need to pop out
to the supermarket if there’s food in the fridge. There’s no need for me to
look for outside help when there’s inside help available. Inside AA, and inside
myself, where God is to be found. It is perhaps advisable to try what’s to hand
first, and try it thoroughly, and then see what’s left over. It was suggested:
try working the programme to eliminate your character defects. When your
character defects have been eliminated, review whether any further help is
necessary.
I’m only part-way through the elimination of character
defects, but it turns out that even the small progress I have made has been
enough to dispense with the need for any help at all. I had the food in the fridge
the whole time. God is more than enough.
Let’s look at some character defects. The list is from the
St Augustine’s Prayerbook. Let’s break it down into manageable chunks, day by
day, one paragraph a day. It begins with pride.
To quote Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:
To avoid falling into confusion over the names these defects should be called, let’s take a universally recognized list of major human failings—the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. It is not by accident that pride heads the procession. For pride, leading to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious.
Feel free to ignore any specifically Christian references. These can be adapted to your religion or slid past if you have none. Even those sometimes contain useful principles for anyone, religious or atheist.
Of course, this list is not the last word on character defects. If you can find a better one, feel free to use it instead.
Pride
Pride is putting self in the place of God as the centre and
objective of our life, or of some department thereof. It is the refusal to
recognise our status as creatures, dependent on God for our existence, and
placed by Him in a specific relationship to the rest of His creation.
Pride (continued)
Irreverence. Deliberate neglect of the worship of God every
Sunday in his Church, or being content with a perfunctory participation in it.
Disregard of other Holy Days or of additional opportunities for giving God
honour. Failure to thank God or to express our gratitude adequately. Disrespect
for God or holy things by deliberately treating them, in thought, word or deed,
in a profane, contemptuous or over-familiar manner. Use of holy things for
personal advantage, or the attempt to bribe or placate God by religious
practices or promises.
Pride (continued)
Sentimentality. Being satisfied with pious feelings,
emotional displays and beautiful ceremonies without striving to obey God’s
will.
Pride (continued)
Presumption. Dependence on self rather than on God, with the
consequent neglect of the means of grace—sacraments and prayer. Dispensation of
ourselves from ordinary duties on the grounds that we are superior persons.
Satisfaction or complacency over our spiritual achievements. Refusal to avoid,
when possible, immediate occasions of temptation. Preference for our own ideas,
customs, schemes or techniques. Foolish optimism. Failure to recognize our job
as a divine vocation, or to offer our work to God. Unwillingness to surrender
to and abide in Christ, to let him act in and through us. Failure to offer to
God regularly in intercession the persons or causes that have, or should enlist
our interest and support.
Pride (continued)
Distrust. Refusal to recognize God’s wisdom, providence and
love. Worry, anxiety, misgivings, scrupulosity, or perfectionism. Attempts to
discern or control the future by spiritualism, astrology, fortune telling or
the like. Magic or superstition. Over-sensitiveness. Expectation that others
will dislike, reject or mistreat us; over-readiness so to interpret their
attitude, or quickness to take offense. Unfounded suspicions. Timidity in
accepting responsibility, or cowardice in facing difficulty or suffering.
Surrender to feelings of depression, gloom, pessimism, discouragement,
self-pity, or fear of death, instead of fighting to be brave, cheerful and
hopeful.
Pride (continued)
Disobedience. Rejection of God’s known will in favour of our
own interests or pleasures. Disobedience of the legitimate (and therefore
divinely ordained) laws, regulations or authority of the Church, state,
husband, parents, teachers, etc.; or slow and reluctant obedience. Failure when
in authority to fulfil responsibilities or to consider the best interests of
those under us. Refusal to learn God’s nature or will as revealed in Scripture,
expounded in instructions or expert advice, or discernible through prayer,
meditation or the reading of religious books. Absorption in our own affairs,
leaving little time, energy or interest for the things of God. Violation of
confidence. Breaking of legitimate promises or contracts. Irresponsibility.
Treachery. Unnecessary disappointment of another, or the causing of shame or
anxiety to those who love us.
Pride (continued)
Impenitence. Refusal to search out and face up to our sins,
or to confess and admit them before God. Disregard of our sins or pretence that
we are better than we are. Self-justification or discounting our sins as
insignificant, natural or inevitable. Self-righteous comparison of ourselves
with others. Refusal to accept just punishment or to make due reparation when
possible. Deceit or lying to escape the consequences of our sins, or allowing
another to suffer the blame for our faults. Overcompensation or attempts at
self-reform or self-vengeance, to avoid surrender to God in humble penitence.
Shame (hurt pride), sorrow for ourselves because our sins make us less
respectable than we like to think we are, or because we fear punishment or
injury to our reputation, rather than sorrow for what sin is in the eyes of
God. Refusal to admit we were in the wrong or to apologize. Refusal to accept
forgiveness from God or others. Doubt that God can forgive our sins, or failure
to use the means of getting assurance of his forgiveness when we need it.
Unwillingness to forgive ourselves.
Pride (continued)
Vanity. Crediting to ourselves rather than to God our
talents, abilities, insights, accomplishments, good works. Refusal to admit
indebtedness to others, or adequately to express gratitude for their help.
Hypocrisy. Pretence to virtues we do not possess. False humility. Harsh
judgments on others for faults we excuse in ourselves. Boasting, exaggeration,
drawing attention to ourselves by talking too much, by claiming ability,
wisdom, experience or influence we do not have, or by eccentric or ostentatious
behaviour. Undue concern over, or expenditure of time, money or energy on
looks, dress, surroundings, etc., in order to impress others; or deliberate
slovenliness for the same purpose. Seeking, desiring or relishing flattery or
compliments.
Pride (continued)
Arrogance. Insisting that others conform to our wishes,
recognize our leadership, accept our own estimate of our worth. Being
overbearing, argumentative, opinionated, obstinate.
Pride (continued)
Snobbery. Pride over race, family, position, personality,
education, skill, achievements, or possessions.
Anger
Anger is open rebellion against God or our fellow creatures.
Its purpose and desire is to eliminate any obstacle to our self-seeking, to
retaliate against any threat to our security, to avenge any insult or injury to
our person.
Anger (continued)
Resentment. Refusal to discern, accept or fulfil God’s
vocation. Dissatisfaction with the talents, abilities or opportunities he has
given us. Unwillingness to face up to difficulties or sacrifices. Unjustified
rebellion or complaint at the circumstances of our lives. Escape from reality
or the attempt to force our will upon it. Transference to God, to our parents,
to society, or to other individuals of the blame for our maladjustment; hatred
of God, or antisocial behaviour. Cynicism. Annoyance at the contrariness of
things; profanity or grumbling.
Anger (continued)
Pugnacity. Attack upon another in anger. Murder in deed or
desire. Combativeness or nursing of grudges. Injury to another by striking,
cursing or insulting him; or by damaging his reputation or property.
Quarrelsomeness, bickering, contradiction, nagging, rudeness, or snubbing.
Anger (continued)
Retaliation. Vengeance for wrongs real or imagined, or the
plotting thereof. Harsh or excessive punishment. Hostility, sullenness or rash
judgment. Refusal to forgive, or to offer or accept reconciliation.
Unwillingness to love, to do good to, or to pray for enemies. Boycotting or
ostracizing another for selfish reasons. Spoiling others’ pleasure by
uncooperativeness or disdain, because we have not got our way, or because we
feel out of sorts or superior.
Envy
Envy is dissatisfaction with our place in God’s order of
creation, manifested in begrudging his gifts and vocation to others.
Envy (continued)
Jealousy. Offense at the talents, success or good fortune of
others. Selfish or unnecessary rivalry or competition. Pleasure at others’
difficulties or distress. Belittling others.
Envy (continued)
Malice. Ill-will, false accusations, slander, backbiting.
Reading false motives into others’ behaviour. Initiation, collection or
retailing of gossip. Arousing, fostering or organizing antagonism against
others. Unnecessary criticism, even when true. Deliberate annoyance of others,
teasing or bullying.
Envy (continued)
Contempt. Scorn of another’s virtue, ability, short comings,
or failings. Prejudice against those we consider inferior, or who consider us
inferior, or who seem to threaten our security or position. Ridicule of
persons, institutions or ideals.
Covetousness (traditionally greed)
Covetousness is the refusal to respect the integrity of
other creatures, expressed in the inordinate accumulation of material things;
in the use of other persons for our personal advantage; or in the quest for
status, power or security at their expense.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Inordinate ambition. Pursuit of status, power, influence,
reputation, or possessions at the expense of the moral law, of other
obligations, or of the rights of others. Ruthless or unfair competition.
Putting our self or our family first. Conformity to standards we recognize as
wrong or inadequate in order to get ahead. Intrigue or conspiracy for
self-advancement.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Domination. Seeking to use or possess others. Over
protection of children; refusal to correct or punish lest we lose their
affection; insistence that they conform to our ideal for them contrary to their
own vocation. Imposing our will on others by force, guile, whining, or refusal
to cooperate. Over-readiness to advise or command; abuse of authority.
Patronizing, pauperizing, putting others under a debt of gratitude, or
considering ourselves ill-used when others’ affection or compliance is not for
sale. Respect of persons, favouritism, partiality, flattery, fawning, or
bribery to win support or affection. Refusal to uphold the truth to fulfil
duties, to perform good acts, or to defend those wrongfully attacked, because
we fear criticism or ridicule, or because we seek to gain the favour or
approval of others. Leading, tempting or encouraging another to sin.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Avarice. Inordinate pursuit of wealth or material things.
Theft, dishonesty, misrepresentation, or sharing in stolen goods. Cheating in
business, taxes, school or games. Making worldly success the goal of our life
or the standard for judging others.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Prodigality. Waste of natural resources or personal
possessions. Extravagance or living beyond our income, to impress others or to
maintain status. Failure to pay debts. Gambling more than we can afford to
lose, or to win unearned profits. Unnecessary borrowing or carelessness with
others’ money. Expenditure on self of what is needed for the welfare of others.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Penuriousness. Undue protection of wealth or security.
Selfish insistence on vested interests or on claimed rights. Refusal to support
or help those who have a claim on us. Sponging on others. Stinginess. Failure
to give due proportion of our income to Church and charity, or of our time and
energy to good works. Failure to pay pledges promised to the Church or
charities, when able to do so.
Covetousness (traditionally greed) (continued)
Gluttony
Gluttony is the overindulgence of natural appetites for food
and drink, and by extension the inordinate quest for pleasure or comfort.
Gluttony (continued)
Intemperance. Overindulgence in food, drink, smoking, or
other physical pleasures. Fastidiousness, fussiness, demanding excessively high
standards, or dilettantism. Condemnation of some material things or pleasures
as evil in themselves, attempting to prohibit their use rather than their
abuse.
Gluttony (continued)
Lack of Discipline. Negligence in keeping the days of
fasting or abstinence, or failure to use other needed means of self-discipline.
Neglect of bodily health—not getting sufficient rest, recreation, exercise, or
wholesome nourishment. Failure to use or to cooperate with available medical
care when ill. Use of sickness as a means of escape from responsibilities.
Lust
Lust is the misuse of sex for personal gratification,
debasing it from the holy purpose for which God has given it to us.
Lust (continued)
Unchastity. Violation of the Church’s marriage laws. Lack of
consideration for one’s partner in the use of the marital relationship. Refusal
to fulfil the purpose of Holy Matrimony in the bringing forth and giving
adequate care to children, or to take our full share in the responsibilities or
work involved. Unfaithfulness to one’s spouse. Sexual indulgence outside
matrimony, in thought or act, alone or with others.
Lust (continued)
Immodesty. Stimulation of sexual desire in others by word,
dress or actions; or in oneself by reading, pictures, or fantasies. Collecting
or recounting dirty stories.
Lust (continued)
Prudery. Fear of sex or condemnation of it as evil in
itself. Refusal to seek adequate sexual instruction or the attempt to prevent
others from obtaining it. Stimulation of excessive and harmful curiosity by
undue secrecy. Repression of sex.
Lust (continued)
Cruelty. Deliberate infliction of pain, mental or physical.
Tormenting of animals.
Sloth
Sloth is the refusal to respond to our opportunities for
growth, service or sacrifice.
Sloth (continued)
Laziness. Indolence in performing spiritual, mental or
physical duties, or neglect of family, business or social obligations or
courtesies. Procrastination of disliked tasks. Busyness or triviality to avoid
more important commitments. Devotion of excessive time to rest, recreation,
amusement, television, light reading or the like. Waste of employer’s time, or
shoddy or inadequate work.
Sloth (continued)
Indifference. Unconcern over injustice to others, especially
that caused by currently accepted social standards; or unmindfulness of the
suffering of the world. Failure to become adequately informed on both sides of
contemporary issues or on the Christian principles involved. Neglect of duties
to state or community. Failure to provide adequately for, or to treat justly
those in our employ. Ignoring of needy, lonely or unpopular persons in our own
or the parish family, or in the neighbourhood; or unwillingness to minister to
them. Insufficient attention to the religious and other needs of our family.
Failure to fulfil our obligation of Christian missionary witness, or to take a
full and informed part in the effort to make the Church’s unity and holiness a
manifest reality on earth.