Sometimes a situation gets messed up and complicated, and a simple Step Ten (page 84) or Step Eleven (Page 86) is not cutting it. Adopting the Step Four instructions on pages 63 to 67 works.
Here’s a summary of those pages.
Make a list of every person, institution (i.e. organisation), or principle (i.e. idea) that bothers me in the situation.
Then write, for each one, a bullet-pointed list of ‘causes’, i.e. the thing the person or the institution did. Each cause should be five to ten words or so. With principles, there’s no cause to write: the principle itself suffices. It should be concrete, clear, simple. Facts.
Then tick-box which of the seven areas of self is affected (pride—what they think of me, self-esteem—what I think of me, personal and sex relations—how others act towards me, pocketbooks—finances, security—needs, ambitions—wants). Use initials (e.g. P, SE) for speed.
Now run through the bottom of page 65 to the top of 67 and apply those pages to these people, institutions, or principles. This is not in writing.
Then forgive them. Use the page 67 prayer. Instead of saying that they’re ‘sick’ (which has different connotations in modern English), say, ‘they can’t see’, ‘they’re going through a lot’, ‘they are having a hard time’, ‘they struggle with life’, ‘there is a lot going on with them’, or something similarly understanding.
When you’re done forgiving them, answer the following questions in writing:
(1) Mistakes—where my thinking / behaviour is wrong
(2) Selfishness—where I put myself first and shouldn’t have
(3) Dishonesty—lies, scheming, self-deception
(4) Self-seeking—what I am after—my aims
(5) Fear—what I’m frightened of
(6) Blame—where I set the ball rolling or made it worse
(7) Faults—main character defects at play
(8) Wrongs—harms.
Then share with someone.
Then make amends.