“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.” (Page 83, Big Book)
It has been chastening to learn that, since I have—long ago—taken the Steps described in the Big Book, if I still experience potent, persistent, or recurrent fear or resentment, it is because I want these conditions more than I wanted the solution. The perfect solution is always a moment away, but I do not resort to it in the moment. Why? Because there’s a payoff in the drama, with me as the tragic protagonist, the aggrieved one, the one-eyed man in the land of the blind, the acute observer of the ills of the world, the spotter of flaws.
Rather than letting resentment and fear build up into a personality, brandishing them like battle scars or entry passes into the exclusive club of Poetic Sufferers, Wounded Heroes, Profound Thinkers, my job is to guard the gates against these intruders, and, if one slips in, to expel it immediately. That job is placed squarely within my bailiwick, and I’m given the tools and strength to do it—provided that I ask. No special skills are required: just entry-level tools from the entry-level pages to the programme written for beginners on pages 67 and 68. I can turn on the light any time I want.