“Do I aggravate family problems with temper tantrums and uncontrolled words and actions?” (ODAT, 21 October)
Temper tantrums are easy pests to spot. ‘Uncontrolled words and actions’ can be harder. These include feeling compelled to help someone or to try to get them to understand something. It looks like I’m doing ‘good helping’ but really I’m aggravating the problem.
I’ve spent most of my life needing help precisely because I’ve rejected all prior offers of help and ‘failed to understand’ not because I did not understand but because I did not accept or like what I plainly did understand.
People who tried to help or explain further entrenched me in my wilful insistence on being unhappy and hopeless, except it was now their fault I was unhappy and hopeless.
The most helpful people were those who simply waited till I was done and asked them.
Only then did I listen and act.