“In the Al-Anon program he can learn to make himself comfortable by not accepting his wife’s responsibilities.” (ODAT, 27 November)
I can carry a plate and cutlery to the table, but not two plates and two sets of cutlery, at least not without tension and peril.
Discomfort is usually attributable to one of two causes: I’m not pulling my weight or I’m trying to pull someone else’s.
Trying to pull someone else’s weight might take the form of practical interference or usurpation or might take the form of mentally concerning myself with what is someone else’s responsibility.
The chief responsibility that is someone else’s is the overall strategic management function of my life.
That responsibility lies with God.
I must manage my daily affairs.
God is in charge of strategic management.
When I’m worried, I’m surveying God’s strategic management (in as far as I think I can discern it) and finding it muddle-headed, woeful, parlous, wildly irresponsible.
When I’m upset, I’m condemning God’s decisions, including his outrageous permission for others to make their own decisions and act as they see fit; or even where no one else is involved I’m condemning God’s design of the material world.
The same logic can be pursued in relation to any other disturbance.
I can therefore make myself comfortable by not accepting God’s responsibilities.