“We may even think we have overcome resentment, self-righteousness and self-pity, but if they are still there inside us, they will in some mysterious way emanate from us and deny what we try to convey by our play-acting.” (ODAT, 18 October)
When people are being beastly to me, I’m almost invariably laying out the welcome mat for such behaviour—consciously or unconsciously.
There might be exceptions, and there might genuinely exist the phenomenon of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but, even when I encounter a ferociously difficult person, I do find that my own, internal neutrality propagates outwards, and the person can calm down and become quite reasonable.
The trick is establishing a very present, conscious contact with God early enough in the interaction, adopting a position, within God, of complete equanimity and security, and then asking God for what to say, with plenty of pausing throughout.
The tone is then automatically right, and the response is usually quite pleasant.