“I learn in Al-Anon never to measure my giving against my getting; the very giving provides my reward.” (ODAT, 14 October)
When I’m looking for rewards, I’m no longer giving freely of myself, for fun and for free, expecting nothing in return; I’ve become mercantile. I’m no longer in a relationship; I’m in a commercial transaction.
There’s a mean-spiritedness about looking for reward. Even gratitude is a condiment best served sparingly—it can encourage the focus on what I’m getting and recast life as a vehicle for my receipt of goods and services, with its success measured by the extent of the receipt and the perceived value of what is received.
Best to take the eye off the ball and instead triangulate: God gives to me, I give to others, and what others give to me or God or anyone else is none of my business.
This creates a circuit rather than a back-and-forth.