“To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.” (Page 44, Big Book)
I used to say, “I am an atheist.”
I think now that my grammar was off: atheism is a position one holds, not what one is.
What ‘being an atheist’ meant:
(1) I had assessed the potential existence of a ‘realm of the metaphysical’.
(2) I believed my assessment was complete.
(3) My conclusion was that there was no such realm, and therefore no god.
(4) I was certain of the above.
It turns out I was on very weak ground. The nature of a metaphysical realm is precisely that it is not physical—it is metaphysical. Its existence and characteristics cannot be determined by observation and measurement of the physical. The investigation might start in the physical but would involve the assessment of one’s own and others’ internal experiences plus logic, reason, inference. Looking for physical evidence for the metaphysical is like trying to learn about someone’s character by testing their blood or looking at their ears. I had not even considered this, though: I had merely noted I had not ‘seen’ anything suggesting or proving the existence of a metaphysical realm and drawn my conclusion on that basis. C. S. Lewis’s investigation of the matter, by contrast, starts not with whether one has seen an angel on the corner of Station Road but with a consideration of the origin or morality. Internal not external. Metaphysical not physical. The question is therefore not even so much whether there is a metaphysical realm but whether that metaphysical realm emerges from the physical or transcends it.
If one is going to examine whether or not a metaphysical realm exists and what its nature is, one must first determine how the existence or nature of such a realm might be determined. I had not passed through this preliminary stage, so my whole assessment was on an unsound basis. I was measuring love with callipers, life with a tape-measure, hope with a thermometer.
And here’s where the believers in the metaphysical realm are much more interesting informants than the non-believers, in the same way that people who have been to Svalbard are much more interesting and informative on the subject than people who have never heard of the place. The playing field is not level between those who do and do not believe in a transcendent metaphysical realm. Those who do have a definite ‘unfair’ advantage.
In any case, far from having an open-and-shut case, it turned out I had not even stopped for a moment to consider the basis on which one might determine whether or not the metaphysical exists, yet I had proceeded to draw the conclusion that I ‘knew’ that there was no divine being.
I was sincere in my certainty, but I turned out I had no sound basis for that certainty.