“It is vital to my serenity to separate, in my mind, the sickness of alcoholism from the person who suffers from it.” (ODAT, 20 September)
This applies to others and to me.
When I behave badly, I am not bad.
This means I do not need to shore up my self-esteem with lists of character assets.
To do so presumes that my intrinsic value is linked to my defects and assets; on the idea that it’s quite right to think ill of oneself to a certain extent, just not too much, just exactly in line with the defects and assets viewed in correct proportion.
Apart from being philosophically and theologically flawed, this makes my self-esteem dependent on my performance, daily, and will produce a person who is a defensive, self-absorbed, and neurotic.
Far better to accept the incalculable value of all persons and then get on with the business of eliminating defects with the care, abandon, and aplomb of a computer gamer zapping space invaders.
When I clean the floor, the dirt I am cleaning off is not ‘me’.
When I find a dirty floor, I do not need to remind myself that the floor is sometimes clean or the ceiling is doing rather well at present in order to feel better about myself.
That would be combatting one insanity with another.
Better to remove the originating error.