“We must not shrink at anything.” (Page 79, Big Book)
“If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.” (Page 80, Big Book)
In active addiction, I want to be tranquilised.
Wanting to be sober is about wanting not to be tranquilised, to experience life as it is, filtered as it is through my attitudes and thinking, so that I can start the business of fixing what needs to be fixed: the attitudes and thinking within me.
The corollary is that I think others want to be tranquilised too.
They don’t, unless they’re untreated addicts.
And I go around trying to avoid other people feeling things, thinking that, if they feel something, even negative, something has gone wrong.
The kaleidoscope of feelings really is the interface with life.
No kaleidoscope, no life.
Half the feelings, half a life.
But half a life is no life.
Half measures available me nothing.
The necessary truth, even put kindly and appropriately, will produce a range of emotions.
Amends, even put kindly and appropriately, will produce a range of emotions.
I must not shrink at saying what needs to be said, in case someone has a transient feeling.
No shrink. No shrinking.