“Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.” (ODAT, 12 September)
Before recovery, people listened carefully to my depressed, anxious thoughts, my self-pity, my weeping, my lamentations, my litanies of grievances, and expressed abundant sympathy and understanding. They listened and listened, nodding kindly. This did no good whatsoever.
Rather than ‘validating’ my feelings, helpful people in recovery invalidated them by showing that my negative feelings were stemming from my character defects: imperiousness, self-centeredness, self-righteousness, entitlement, materialism, and the rest of the sorry cavalcade.
They told me I was permitted to feel whatever I wanted, but did I really want to continue feeling the way I did?
If I did not, they had a solution for me.