“Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” (Page 64, Big Book)
What we find in Step Four is not us: it is what is blocking us from God. Our defects of character are not what we are but are what we’re not. That’s why we don’t need to counterbalance them with assets to make ourselves feel better. They’re no more who we are than our defects are who we are.
Defects are defective beliefs, thinking, and behaviour. They’re garments. They’re not the body, the substance of the person.
Why can’t we just ‘stop being selfish’?
I become attached to the beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, and start to think, erroneously, they’re me, my identity, the essence of who I am.
This is part of the answer as to why selfishness, once embedded, has such a foothold.
It is also in the nature of selfishness to protect itself. Like a parasite, it incentivises the host through rewards and punishments to refrain from expelling it.
To have selfishness removed, I need to detach from it, or the pain of the removal will cause me to resist the divine removal process.
Detachment is achieved partly through the observation that takes place in Steps Four through Nine.
The observer is not the observed. In becoming the observer, I stop being the observed.
I then see the horror of selfishness for what it is, and selfishness’s wiles have no further hold over me.
The detachment process complete, the removal can take place without great pain to the host.