The following are all extracted from Chapters Seven, Eight, Nine, and Ten:
1. When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him.
2. If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity.
3. … be patient, realizing [you] are dealing with a sick person.
4. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned.
5. Sometimes it is wise to wait till he goes on a binge. … Wait for the end of the spree, or at least for a lucid interval. … ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so.
6. If he does not want to see you, never force yourself upon him.
7. Neither should [you] hysterically plead with him to do anything … wait for the end of his next drinking bout.
8. … [do] not … be over-anxious, for that might spoil matters.
9. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed.
10. When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. … Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree.
11. If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady.
12. … be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion.
13. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can—if he is not too alcoholic. But insist that if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover by himself.
14. Even though your protégé may not have entirely admitted his condition, he has become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question, if he will. Tell him exactly what happened to you. Stress the spiritual feature freely.
15. If the man be agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles.
16. Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. … To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. … call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink.
17. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.
18. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own.
19. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to.
20. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him.
21. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform.
22. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you.
23. Offer him friendship and fellowship.
24. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.
25. If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind.
26. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.
27. If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience.
28. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer.
29. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself
30. He … says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery. Having had the experience yourself, you can give him much practical advice.
31. Be certain … that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him.
32. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.
33. Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
34. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God.
35. When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do.
36. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomer’s family how that was accomplished.
37. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful.
38. Try not to condemn your alcoholic … no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill.
39. There is an important exception to the foregoing. We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don’t let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave.
40. The first principle of success is that you should never be angry. … Patience and good temper are most necessary.
41. Be sure you are not critical during such a discussion.
42. Attempt … to put yourself in his place.
43. Let him see that you want to be helpful rather than critical.
44. … after his next binge, ask him if he would really like to get over drinking for good. Do not ask that he do it for you or anyone else. Just would he like to?
45. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone.
46. Avoid urging him to follow our program.
47. Wait until repeated stumbling convinces him he must act, for the more you hurry him the longer his recovery may be delayed.
48. Again, you should not crowd him. Let him decide for himself.
49. We never, never try to arrange a man’s life so as to shield him from temptation.
50. If he gets drunk, don’t blame yourself. God has either removed [the person’s] liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found out right away. Then you and [the person] can get right down to fundamentals. If a repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God’s hands.
51. … the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. Successful readjustment means the opposite.
52. It is of little use to argue and only makes the impasse worse.
53. When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal. For his sake, we do recount and almost relive the horrors of our past. But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them.
54. This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn’t so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs.
55. But there are many men who want to stop, and with them you can go far. Your understanding treatment of their cases will pay dividends.
56. Next he can be assured that you do not intend to lecture, moralize, or condemn
57. Say that you believe he is a gravely ill person, with this qualification—being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well? … Will he take every necessary step, submit to anything to get well, to stop drinking forever?
58. If he says yes, does he really mean it, or down inside does he think he is fooling you, and that after rest and treatment he will be able to get away with a few drinks now and then? We believe a man should be thoroughly probed on these points. Be satisfied he is not deceiving himself or you.
59. After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action.
60. For most alcoholics who are drinking, or who are just getting over a spree, a certain amount of physical treatment is desirable, even imperative. … Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol.
61. … he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude.
62. We all had to place recovery above everything, for without recovery we would have lost both home and business.
63. When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself.
64. In case he does stumble, even once, you will have to decide whether to let him go. If you are sure he doesn’t mean business, there is no doubt you should discharge him. If, on the contrary, you are sure he is doing his utmost, you may wish to give him another chance. But you should feel under no obligation to keep him on, for your obligation has been well discharged already.