“Post-war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical collapse, brought him to the point of self-destruction.” (Chapter Four, Big Book)
In the film The Happening, an airborne neurotoxin
causes people to go into a trance and commit suicide.
They are not acting in accordance with their will but under
an alien influence.
This is the desire for the first drink: an alien influence.
Given where the first drink inevitably leads, the desire for the first drink is
not my desire but the desire of my alcoholism.
The mental obsession: an often suddenly occurring, self-rationalising, overpowering impulse to drink.