“When we come into Al-Anon, our main preoccupation is the alcoholism of someone who is important in our lives.” (ODAT, 15 June)
Today, I do well to spot when I’m thinking about others.
Why?
If I’m thinking about how best to perform a particular task
with their benefit in mind, then that’s OK.
What is to be avoided is negative thinking about others or
plans or plots to fix, change, or control.
If the person has to be dealt with, seeking to understand is
valid (although even then it’s best to ask God to reveal the truth).
But even where I am thinking about performing a particular
task with their benefit in mind, the question is whether that task is a
response to an overt, valid request, a duty by virtue of a particular
relationship that requires service, or a customary treat.
I have to be careful about acting ‘in someone’s favour’ when
it’s not been asked for, when I’m not in any particular service-providing role,
and where it goes beyond customary bounds.
When I am doing this, I have switched from negative to
positive preoccupation, but the self-centeredness is still intact.