“Some relish their sufferings so much that everything that happens is ballooned to enormous proportions in the re-living and the telling. Self-pitiers are difficult to wean away from their martyrdom until the joys of serenity and contentment dawn on them in Al-Anon. … Others nurse their grievances, resent their lot in life, seek scapegoats to blame for everything that happens to them, particularly the alcoholic. They have not yet learned to be good to themselves. They still have before them the joyous experience of letting go of a problem—the lovely adventure of shrugging off ‘hurts.’” (ODAT, 28 June)
When I refrain from complaining (which I used to disguise as
‘venting’, as though I’m a valve), there’s surprisingly little to say.
The job is to work the programme. That means actually
changing. Not circular, performative compliance with the surface rituals of the
steps, with ring-binders full of inventory and elaborate or protracted
confessions, but quietly and swiftly doing what needs to be done then letting
it go in favour of God’s will.