In Season Four, Episode Six of Downton Abbey, Mr Molesley, who used to be a butler, has lost his job and has come down in the world. He is given the opportunity to work as a footman at Downton Abbey, but his pride is hurt. He eventually gives in and goes to accept the post, but by the time he does so, the post has evaporated. When the post once more falls vacant, he goes to see Carson, who is in charge of the staff at Downton, to convey, once more, his willingness to work in what he continues to view as a job that is beneath him.
***
Carson: Mr Molesley. What can I do for you?
Molesley: I was at the station this morning. We’re … we’re renewing the gravel out front. And erm … I ran into young Alfred. He’s off on his way to London.
Carson: Yes.
Molesley: So er … as he is going after all, I thought … I’ll look in … to confirm my willingness to … return to Downton.
Carson: Mr Molesley. I’m glad you are, as you put it, willing. But I cannot feel the word expresses … the kind of … enthusiasm I am looking for in a new footman.
Molesley: What?
Carson: When we last discussed it, you made it quite clear that you didn’t wish to plunge down the ladder of preferment.
Molesley: I was willing to.
Carson: As you keep saying. But I don’t want to humiliate you. You feel you’re meant for better things. And I won’t contradict you. Unfortunately, we have no higher place to offer in this house.
Molesley: I know. But I said …
Carson: And you have your pride … and I respect you for it. Good day, Mr Molesley.
***
“If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.” (page 58, Big Book)
The Big Book, to determine the state of readiness to take the Twelve Steps, poses three conditions not one.
(1) A decision (which involves the options down to one, and shutting the door on discussion)
(2) Wanting what “we have” (= a new relationship with God)
(3) Willingness to go to any length to get it.
If there is equivocation, the decision has not been made. Willingness without wanting represents conflict: the feeling, the lack of desire, can be temporarily overridden by will, but feeling always wins in the end.
Before even starting the Twelve Steps, the decision, the wanting, and the willing should be in place.