Simplicity

The programme is very simple.

But written step work, concerning as it does the recollection and presentation of emotions, beliefs, thoughts, actions, and consequences, can be very complex, because the situations are complex.

Sometimes the sponsor can help the sponsee untangle such situations with detailed, precise work. Often this has to wait until the sponsee is sober a few years and has been through the steps in a rudimentary fashion a number of times. Any attempt to do this too early will fail and result in the sponsee becoming disillusioned with the steps, with sponsorship, with the Big Book, with the programme, and even with recovery. This is counterproductive. In such instances, a very simple approach must be taken (see below).

Sometimes this is the case even with people who have decades of sobriety: the scrambled mental state has been baked into place over the years and can be impossible to unscramble. Sometimes the most disconcerting conversations are with people who are thirty or forty years sober but have not learned the skills of effective self-examination and coherent communication. A combination of self-deception, lack of perspective, mental laziness, impenetrable jargon, sloppy, abstract, and figurative language, false premises and assumptions, materialism, atheism, victimhood, poor guidance, and plain lack of critical thinking contrive to produce an impenetrable farrago of nonsense: however, the nonsense is the castle the individual inhabits and the identity they are wearing. The problem cannot be solved without making the person homeless and depriving them of who they (mistakenly) think they are. Only the very desperate are willing to undergo this processing of stripping back, and those who are decades sober are typically unwilling at this depth.

Let’s look at why this is the case:

For real interactive step work to take place, with the sponsor helping the sponsee to produce excellent step work, the sponsee’s mind must be working properly.

This means the sponsee must:

- Understand what the sponsor is saying pretty much first go

- Understand the nature, purpose, and context of the exercise in question

- Understand basic principles of doing step work:

               - completeness

               - accuracy

               - truthfulness

               - relevance

               - distinguishing the significant from the insignificant

- Understand instructions

- Be able to follow instructions

- Be able to manage their own process

- Have a fairly good memory

- Be able to retain information and ideas from session to session

- Be able to take good notes that make sense when later reread

- Be able to assemble various points into a coherent picture

- Have a settled story to tell about each situation under discussion

- Be able to distinguish the true from the false, in terms of feelings, thoughts, and facts

- Be able to articulate themselves coherently, avoiding:

               - abstraction

               - figurative language

               - therapeutic or new age jargon

- Be able to critically review their own work

               - identifying basic flaws

               - correcting basic flaws

- Be able to receive feedback without becoming testy, agitated, tearful, or evasive

- Be able to understand feedback

- Be able to implement feedback

- Be highly cooperative, avoiding manoeuvres to obstruct or divert the process

- Be able and willing to participate actively in the process

- Be able to engage in this process enthusiastically and, ideally, reasonably cheerfully.

Sadly, not many people are capable of the above. The above is a tall order, but there it is. That’s what’s required.

The reason why the process breaks down can be a lack of capability on the part of the sponsee, the sponsee being scrambled, or the sponsee being resistant, either consciously or unconsciously. It’s almost impossible to determine whether the cause being ‘unable’ or ‘unwilling’, as the result is the same. It’s hard, even for the sponsee, to lift the bonnet and see what is going on.

Funnily enough, reported mental illness does not seem necessarily to cause a problem. Psychoactive medication can, as can spending so long in therapeutic processes that have framed the narratives in a particular way.

Where the sponsee is incapable, scrambled, or resistant, the step work gets bogged down or goes in circles, and any material produced is complex, messy, and probably largely useless. Even if the sponsor succeeds in hammering the material into shape, that does not mean the sponsee will be able to do anything useful with it. The sponsor may produce an excellent result, but even that is out of reach of the sponsee. The process is dead in the water.

Essentially, we’re in a Catch-22 situation: the sponsee is incapable, scrambled, and resistant. The steps are the answer. But the person is too incapable, scrambled, and resistant to do take the steps meticulously.

What’s the answer?

“So it was comforting to learn that we could commence at a simpler level.” (page 47)

“What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic’s plight is, in my opinion, correct. As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help.” (page 43)

Simplification of process and output.

What does that look like?

The sponsor presents the content of the book.

The sponsee takes the best notes they can.

Keep written step work to the minimum required by the book: otherwise, every must be done in conversation. No endless text or email conversations. Keep written communication to a minimum as well.

With the necessary written step work (four and eight only), keep it basic, concrete, simple, and brief. No nuance. No detail.

The sponsee reads out their work. The sponsor points out obvious errors or omissions. The sponsee must then fix the work as best they can. Any attempt by the sponsor to get entangled in the work itself will fail.

As the sponsee stays sober, forms a relationship with God, and sponsors others, year in and year out, sanity, understanding, and coherence are established or restored. Over time, the sponsee acquires the ability to do more detailed step work. But this cannot be forced or taught; it can only come naturally, over time. When a certain level of maturity has been acquired, then a sponsor can really help improve a sponsee’s step work. Until then, no.

And if all that is ever possible is basic, concrete, and simple, that’s fine too.