“The suffering is real, but we wonder how much of the hurt is self-inflicted. It may be caused by the wife’s stubborn refusal to let go of her control of the drinker. Or she may unknowingly distort and exaggerate what the alcoholic says and does.” (ODAT, 9 May)
When I’m suffering, I’m doing it to myself.
When I resist reality, I suffer.
When I accept reality, I am at peace.
When I’m suffering, I’m getting a pay-off.
It’s useful to ask what the pay-off is.
It is usually a self-righteous sense of superiority, the
pleasure of indignation, the illusion of a better world round the corner if
only others would shape up, the shifting of guilt through the attribution of
blame …
Instead, there should be and is a quiet recognition that God is God, and I am not, and God either wills or permits all.