“And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?” (page 61, Big Book)
Control can be good. I need to be in control of my physical
environment, my home, my schedule, my processes, my temper, my impulses, my
emotions, my thoughts, my words, my actions.
Control can be a defect.
Control as a defect is where I inappropriately interfere in
others’ lives or joint endeavours.
This is unhelpful because:
- It goes against God’s will
- It sets me in opposition to God
- It cuts me off from God (and thus: …)
- It cuts me off from knowledge of God’s will (Step Eleven
commodity no. 1)
- It cuts me off from God’s strength (Step Eleven commodity
no. 2)
- It proceeds on the false belief that if I get my own way I
and others will be happy and satisfied
- It produces suboptimal results for me and others
- It causes conflict with others
- It upsets people
- People will dislike me
- People will cease to trust me
- People are less likely to seek cooperation with me
- People are less likely to want to spend time with me
- Every time I act on self-will, I’m missing out on doing
God’s will
- It generates fear
- It generates frustration
- It generates resentment
- It generates disappointment
- It generates despair.