“When it was my father I had to learn I could not control his drinking, and I can’t cure it. So for my cousin I don’t have that issue—it’s everyone else that’s affected by his drinking ... I have the tendency to want to save them from being overly affected by his drinking.”
The mistake is thinking that it’s not the same issue.
Alcoholism is alcoholism.
If I can’t control or cure Sally’s, I can’t control or cure Bobby’s either.
Rushing round trying to get between the alcoholic and other people does not work.
It also really annoys people.
Other people are responsible for shielding themselves from the effects by walking away.
If there are minors or the very elderly I’m responsible for, I do have the authority to make decisions, and I have made decisions on behalf of others when it is my practical and moral duty to do so.
But most of the time that is not the case.
In any case, the answer is always recognising substantial powerlessness over pretty much everyone and everything except myself.
But when I change myself, this does have a massive impact on everyone and everything around me.