“The entire family is, to some extent, ill.” (Chapter Nine, Big Book)
“With Step Two and the support of a loving fellowship, we begin to learn how to recognize and accept our own part in the family disease of alcoholism.” (Paths to Recovery)
Here are some patterns that are part of my contribution, as an Al-Anon, to the ‘family disease of alcoholism’.
Doing others’ jobs
Apologising for not doing others’ jobs
Helping when no one asked
Interfering when I do not understand
Talking when no one’s listening
Repeating myself to force others’ actions
Volunteering when I do not know what the job is
Volunteering when I do not how to do the job
Volunteering when I do not have the bandwidth
Dithering instead of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’
Saying ‘yes’ to avoid others’ upset
Lying instead of saying ‘no’
Talking instead of saying ‘no’
Justifying, defending, or explaining unbidden
Entertaining to curry favour
Speculating on others’ feelings
Fixing others’ imagined feelings
Responding now to future attacks