“Never was I to be critical of them.” (Chapter One, Big Book)
“To begin with, we ought to listen carefully to what they say. Sometimes they are telling the whole truth; at other times, a little truth. More often, though, they are just rationalizing themselves into nonsense. If we are within range, the whole truth, the half truth, or no truth at all can prove equally unpleasant to us. That is why we have to listen so carefully. If they have got the whole truth, or even a little truth, then we had better thank them and get on with our respective inventories, admitting we were wrong.” (Bill W)
The Chinese / Japanese character 攻 means aggression, criticism, and attack, but also means polish. When I’m attacked or criticised, this is an opportunity to improve myself. What did I do that might have elicited this criticism or attack? It obviously is personal, because it was directed at me not the other eight billion people on the planet. The content of the attack might not hit the mark, but there is something going on here that must be learned from. There is a Chinese proverb, 他山之石可以攻玉, tā shān zhī shí kěyǐ gōng yù, which means that you polish jade using a stone from a different mountain. Me looking at me does not always tell me what is going on. Me looking at me through your perception, even if that perception is distorted, is very useful indeed. Sometimes, that is the only way one learns.