|
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we
decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. |
-
There must be no
reservation about o
Being an alcoholic and
therefore not in charge of one’s life o
The necessity of having
God in charge o
The adequacy and efficacy
of that solution o
Taking the plunge |
|
Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do? |
-
This is not an abstract
theological question -
It must be made specific
and concrete for implementation |
|
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any
life run on self-will can hardly be a success. |
-
Will: o
Outcomes o
The courses plotted to
achieve those outcomes -
God’s will: o
God’s outcomes (often
hidden to me) o
God’s courses (revealed
through Step Eleven) -
Self = the image of me as: o
the centre of the universe o
my chief or only concern o
the lord of my manor o
the creator of me -
Life run on self-will: o
Setting egoic objectives
and o
Pursuing those objectives
egoically o
Pursuing good objectives
egoically -
Obviously and usually
egoic pursuits o
Sex o
Money o
Power o
Prestige o
Comfort o
Thrills o
Appearance -
Less obviously yet often
egoic pursuits o
Health o
Security o
Ambition o
Religion o
Spirituality o
Ideology o
Politics -
Success: o
The outcome being
achieved o
The outcome serving its
purpose, e.g.: §
Paving the way for a further
outcome §
Delivering a desired
experience ·
Security ·
Calm ·
Happiness ·
Satisfaction o
The outcome persisting o
The experience persisting -
A life run on self-will
fails because o
The result is costly to
achieve in terms of: §
Loss of freedom §
Negative emotion (fear,
frustration, boredom) §
Time, attention, effort,
resources o
The result is uncertain o
The result does not
deliver its promised happiness §
Either there is no
happiness §
Or the happiness is
short-lived §
The underlying
dissatisfaction remains o
Collision (with others
and internally): see below o
Self-will brings me into
internal conflict §
Few people have just one
plan §
Most people have multiple
plans §
Multiple plans
necessarily conflict |
|
On that basis we are almost always in collision with
something or somebody, even though our motives are good. |
-
Other people have
outcomes and courses -
Those are either: o
In pursuit of their own
outcomes o
In pursuit of the common
good -
Since my outcomes are not
theirs, the courses will conflict -
Regarding the common good:
my notion and others’ notion of the common good and the course to achieve it
differ -
This also gives rise to
conflict -
Beyond the individual
human will, the pre-existing and infinitely large and complex world consists
in a number of interlocking systems: these are powerful and conflict with my
courses and outcomes -
Self-will brings me into
internal conflict o
Few people have just one
plan o
Most people have multiple
plans o
Multiple plans
necessarily conflict |
|
Most people try to live by self-propulsion. |
-
Propulsion is the
generation of movement -
For propulsion, fuel is
required -
This could be push-fuel
(things one wants to move away from or avert) -
Or it could be pull-fuel
(things one wants to move towards) -
Self-propulsion involves
two types of fuel: o
Outcomes I want to
achieve o
Fear of what I want not
to happen -
What is the alternative? o
The push-fuel of §
Alcoholic destruction §
The misery of materialism o
The pull-fuel of §
Eternal life §
Satisfaction under God’s
direction o
The direct daily download
of Divine energy o
Once direction is
established, ongoing onward movement is ensured by: §
Momentum §
Routine and habit §
God’s ongoing provision
of energy §
Encouragement from others §
The energy of others §
The energy fed back by
good results |
|
Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole
show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and
the rest of the players in his own way. |
-
I am an actor o
That means I have my own
identity o
Plus I have roles I play -
I am not the director or
producer -
I only think I am -
Elements: o
Desire / ambition: to run
the show o
Notions of what the show
should look like o
Forever: an
eternal hell of trying to change what cannot or should not be changed o
The lights: the light in
which things are seen o
The ballet: the plan or
design o
The scenery: the very
context o
The rest of the players:
others’ actions -
Whilst I am doing this, I
am committing two ‘sins’ o
I am not playing the role
I should be playing o
I am doing something I
should not be doing o
Interference by an actor
in the show is not even part of the show o
It is the disruption of
the show |
|
If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people
would do as he wished, the show would be great. |
-
The actor’s arrangements
are extraneous to the show -
It should be up to the
director and the producer to make arrangements -
His, the actor’s,
arrangements, are interfered with -
They are not subject to
his lasting control -
Others alter them -
And they themselves
refuse to stay put -
The ego’s plan is to
create a static scene in a mutable world -
The ego’s plan requires
others’ cooperation -
Yet they haven’t been
given the script -
They do not know what
they are supposed to do -
And if they are told,
they still won’t do it -
The illusion is that it
is not only the actor’s life but the entire show that would be
excellent, i.e. others’ lives and life itself |
|
Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. |
-
The self-server conceals
his self-serving by presenting it as a part of a greater whole: his being
pleased is simply a function of everyone being pleased -
The self-server knows
what is right for the world, for the country, for the community, for the
group, for the relationship -
Of course he would be
pleased, but only because everyone would be pleased, and he is part of
everyone -
Whenever I ‘know’ what is
right for the world, for the country, for the community, for the group, for
the relationship, I am in this self-serving delusion |
|
Life would be wonderful. |
-
An extension of the above
idea: -
The illusion that the
solution involves the arrangement of external circumstances as I see fit |
|
In trying to make these arrangements our actor may
sometimes be quite virtuous. |
-
Virtue (a good thing) can
be co-opted for a bad (getting my own way) |
|
He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even
modest and self-sacrificing. |
-
These are examples of
virtues in practice |
|
On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish
and dishonest. |
-
These are examples of
vices in practice |
|
But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied
traits. |
-
People employ a mixture
of both |
|
What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. |
-
Usually but not always:
sometimes the show does come off (but that will not in any case deliver happiness) -
But most plans fail |
|
He begins to think life doesn’t treat him right. |
-
Rather than blaming the
plan, the egotist blames life -
… as though life is a
volitional being -
He construes himself as
the victim -
He maintains the ideal of
what is ‘right’ -
And believes that reality
is out of kilter with what is ‘right’ |
|
He decides to exert himself more. |
-
Rather than recognising
the error, he rinses and repeats -
‘Plan A failed; let’s try
plan A!’ |
|
He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or
gracious, as the case may be. |
-
This is simply a
redoubling of the aforementioned deployment of virtues and vices |
|
Still the play does not suit him. |
-
Of course, this does not
work, since the same method is being used |
|
Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that
other people are more to blame. |
-
The victimhood is being maintained -
There is a perverse form
of self-victimhood: believing one’s management of one’s life is the cause of the
failure -
But this is different
than and a cover for admitting the real fault: -
The approach to life based
on self-will |
|
He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. |
-
The emotional
consequences of a life run on self-will |
|
What is his basic trouble? |
-
The basic trouble
is the trouble underlying all other troubles |
|
Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be
kind? |
-
The truth behind the
deployment of virtues in the service of self-will is that the system remains
corrupt, and the deployment of virtues does not convert a corrupt system into
either a moral or a functioning system |
|
Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest
satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? |
-
The error is the belief
that the arrangement of external circumstances just so is the method
by which happiness is achieved -
This would entail happiness
being generated by an outside source -
The happiness is in a
different order of reality -
Happiness is metaphysical -
Managing well produces a
physical result -
This is the first reason
why this fails -
Secondly, what happens
downstream (in the material) will not change what happens upstream (in the
metaphysical) -
This system is delusional -
But the individual is not
aware, hence victim |
|
Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that
these are the things he wants? |
-
This is accompanied by
incredulity that others do not automatically: o
See what I want o
Approve what I want o
Act accordingly |
|
And do not his actions make each of them wish to
retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? |
-
A review of the situation
reveals that it is my actions that are harming others, not life that is
harming me -
This triggers retaliation -
They are also playing the
same game -
Where I wrest,
they snatch -
They are operating also
on the basis of the system of outside–in, i.e. arrange outside circumstances
right and the internal experience will be sorted out |
|
Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of
confusion rather than harmony? |
-
Even when I do manage well,
I create confusion, because my plans and designs are aligned neither with God’s
nor others’ -
The only thing that could
bring about harmony in the world is God’s plan -
The only thing that can
bring about harmony in my life is God’s plan for me |
|
Our actor is self-centered—ego-centric, as people like to
call it nowadays. |
-
I am self-centered -
The terminology for this
may change from generation to generation -
This means I see myself
as the centre of the universe -
And the way I conduct
myself is based on this view -
And on the belief that I
need to get my own way to be OK -
Also, I view things from
my point of view -
That means anything close
to me looks important -
And anything distant (in
time or space or in terms of relationships) looks unimportant -
Yet what is unimportant to
me will be important to others -
This is what gives rise
to the confusion and conflict |
|
He is like the retired businessman who lolls in the Florida
sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the
minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and
reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would
only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and
the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. |
-
Non-alcoholic examples of
self-will run riot: o
The retired businessman: §
He is successful and rich §
He has what he wants §
He need not work §
He is somewhere pleasant §
Yet he is unhappy §
And the blame is firstly placed
outside himself §
And secondly operates at
the grand level of the ‘nation’ o
The minister / politician
/ reformer §
They have plans for the
world §
And for everyone else §
The problem, again, lies
outside §
They believe the world
would be perfected would everyone only obey they §
They are tyrants §
And they are wrong o
The safecracker §
He is trying to wrest
something that does not belong to him §
He is attacking and
taking §
Yet he feels attacked and
taken from §
What he is doing is what
he thinks is done to him o
The alcoholic §
Has been trying to wrest
happiness generally §
And specifically with
alcohol §
But has achieved the
opposite: ·
Both externally: has lost
all and is locked up ·
And internally: miserable |
|
Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned
with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? |
-
Even when I appear to be
concerned with outer matters … -
… I am really concerned
with my own affairs o
As they play out in the
world o
Or as they are reflected
in the world |
|
Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root
of our troubles. |
-
Selfishness: o
Putting myself first,
rather than §
Putting others first §
Putting the common good
first -
Self-centeredness o
Seeing things from my
point of view, rather than §
Seeing things from others’
point of view §
Seeing things from a bird’s-eye
view §
Or a God’s-eye view -
Root of my troubles (= practical
problems plus disturbances) -
The surface may apparently
tell a different story -
But these are the real
cause |
|
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion,
self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they
retaliate. |
-
I am not in the driving
seat -
Self = ego is in the
driving seat -
Self-delusion o
I am the centre of the universe o
I am in charge o
I need the universe to mould
around me o
I can make that happen -
Self-seeking o
The plan I concoct to
bring this about -
Fear o
The innate awareness that
the plan will fail -
Self-pity o
The unhappiness when the
plan does fail |
|
Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but
we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based
on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. |
-
The problem seems to
start with others’ behaviour -
But the problem really
starts with me -
I create the scenario (get
the job, get into the relationship, go and live in a specific place) -
I then contribute to the
situation I find myself in -
The others act in
accordance with the situation -
I then suffer because of
the situation I have co-authored -
But fail to recognise my
part -
The decisions based on
self either create or contribute to this situation -
Even in situations where
I did not establish the setting or did not contribute to or elicit the event … -
… I have still made the
decision that I cannot be happy unless things go my way -
So my decision is behind the
trouble in any case |
|
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. |
-
Basically = at
source: I am the source of my own unhappiness -
This means it’s not: o
Genetics o
Intergenerational trauma o
My childhood o
My past o
Brain chemistry o
The state of the world o
Other people o
Anything else |
|
They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an
extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. |
-
Self-will is not limited
to alcoholics -
But active alcoholism is
an extreme example of self-will -
Alcoholics, once sober,
apparently still remain extreme examples of self-will |
|
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. |
-
The number one priority
is to get rid of selfishness -
Because the selfishness
is the origin of the desire to drink -
And the self-will is the reason
we follow through on the desire |
|
We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. |
-
This, if not arrested,
will kill us -
Because drinking, if
reactivated, may never stop |
|
And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of
self without His aid. |
-
We can go some way to
eliminating self on our own -
But we cannot achieve
perfect elimination -
And even though God plays
a part, we must play our part too |
|
Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore,
but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. |
-
Morality and philosophy
are necessary -
But they are not
sufficient -
We lack the ability to
follow through consistently |
|
Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by
wishing or trying on our own power. |
-
Self is bigger than me -
But me joining with God
is bigger than self |
|
We had to have God’s help. |
-
God’s help is necessary -
It is the only option |