The best way to avoid intimacy is to tell people what I'm feeling, what I think about what I feel, what I feel about what I think, to disclose, to be candid, to be open, to let everything out, to spend a lot of time with the other person. All of these kill intimacy. They produce a wall of words of my own generation, and the other person is rendered a shadowy silhouette in the audience. I'm not with another person. I'm with my construal of the other person as my worthy audience.
Here's how to have intimacy with someone else: Stop spending so much time with them. Sever my attachment. Build an interesting life and take an interest in the interesting life through constructive thought and action. Have something to bring to the table. Tell a little. Take turns. But do not talk about myself as subject matter. Be silent about myself. Shut the eff up about my negative feelings and cynical thoughts. Be totally still and watch and listen. And, when I'm with someone who is doing the same, I discover I'm present for the other person, not their narrative about themselves but for the actual person, and without my narratives blocking my perception.