Arguably, one reason why detachment is hard to grasp is that it is not an idea but a category of ideas and practices, each of which is, itself, a topic not a slogan. The second reason why detachment is hard to grasp is that it is usually explained sloppily, cursorily, or poorly. Here’s a simple list of sub-ideas of the general idea of detachment I operate with:
1. Recognise the person is up against alcoholism: a parasitic power
that overwhelms the will.
2. Withdraw all judgement, incredulity, and contempt towards the
alcoholic.
3. Learn to view alcoholism as an illness with a predictable course
and treatment.
4. Adopt an attitude of equanimity towards the situation.
5. Adopt an attitude of kindness towards the alcoholic.
6. Recognise that their alcoholism is not my problem to solve.
7. Halt all monitoring, interference, and manipulation.
8. Arrange my affairs to minimise reliance on the alcoholic’s good
conduct.
9. Arrange my affairs to minimise the impact of the alcoholic’s
actions thereon.
10. Reserve the right to halt or leave interactions.
11. Reserve the right to pause the cohabitation or relationship.
12. Reserve the right to leave the cohabitation or relationship.