So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)
If I think anything negative I feel is caused by anything outside myself, I do not believe this statement from the book, on page 62. For a long time in recovery, I believed my troubles were of others' making, and whenever I upset myself today, there is a risk I will attribute the upset to something beyond my own consciousness.
This statement precedes the bulk of the programme, and without it, the rest is dead in the water. I resent you, but it's your fault, not mine. I've harmed you, but it's your fault not mine. It's possible to go through the motions and even appear to complete amends, but if the underlying error (which is the wound) is not resolved, the wound will continue to bleed through the bandages.
It's possible, even after many years, to effectively be a newcomer in AA, like someone learning German who has never figured out the difference between the masculine, feminine, and neuter grammatical genders.
As a victim I was dangerous, because every negative feeling I had was an accusation against someone or something outside myself. Even when I was blaming 'life' or 'the world' with a weary sigh I was really blaming you. That's why people would tense up. I was a living reproach.
Forgiveness entails turning the guns on the enemy within, which really consists in the errors in my conception and perception of the universe and my place in it. Correct those errors and there is nothing more to forgive.