When I'm not cheerful and smiling, I'm doing it wrong.
My mental state is created by me.
If I'm unhappy: I did it to me.
It was not my circumstances.
Now, when I was new, I didn't know I was doing it to me.
But it would have done me no good to comfort me by agreeing with my attribution of my emotional state to the past, the future, other people, the world, the laws of physics, my genetics, my star sign (I literally blamed that, too, poor star sign!), and a host of other peripheral marginalia, no more than it would help someone with a broken leg to say: You poor thing! These things happen, but there's nothing to be done. I suppose you'll just have to stay like it!
I thought I was depressed because I had depression (not being bright enough to realise that this is a circular reason: to be sad because one has sadness or happy because one has happiness or frightened because one has fear or in Belgium because one is in Belgium).
A sponsor (who was a medical professional) said to me, 'Princess, you're depressed because the way you are living life is depressing. If I had your outlook, I'd be depressed too.'
It was not my fault that I had acquired bad mental and moral habits (the moral aspect: I was very interested in myself, in my feelings, and in how other people appeared to affect those, rather than working out how I could constructively contribute to the world around me and become part of the merry dance of life), but it was my responsibility to do something about it.
No one was going to do it for me.
There is no cavalry.
The Steps don't work themselves.
Once I was complaining, and I said, 'I've tried everything.' They said, 'Have you read all of the Al-Anon literature and applied what it suggests?' It turns out I hadn't. They said, 'Well, you haven't tried everything. You haven't even tried the obvious things sitting in front of you to do. One might almost conclude you want to be unhappy!'
The funny thing is, I still haven't systematically read all of the Al-Anon literature, because thoroughly applying just a fraction of it has radically changed my perspective on everything. Imagine if one really did apply everything!
Today, I'm practising:
- Not complaining
- Adopting a cheerful attitude
- Getting on with it
- Minding my own business
And that, alone, is absolutely doing the trick.