Contemporary society, it seems to me, demands an awful lot,
merely to satisfy the needs of existence, existence, of course, being different than life.
On top of this, there are expectations about 'making the
most of oneself', 'fulfilling potential', particularly in terms of income,
long-term financial security, assets, chattels, and career. Rarely do people
talk about fulfilling one's potential for humility, meekness, or detachment.
What if the only things that matter are sobriety
(abstinence) and the state of one's soul, or, if you will, one's spiritual condition?
The maintenance of these may require having a livelihood.
But that is all.
The purpose of sobriety / recovery is not to improve myself,
to learn new skills, to toughen myself up, to challenge myself, to overcome
defects of character for the sake of self-improvement and the honing of skills,
but merely to surrender and become nothing.
It is that nothingness that allows me to be filled with God.
Maybe that will result in money and worldly success. Maybe
not. Brother Lawrence made sandals. St Francis rolled in the snow. St Teresa of
Avila founded institutions. St Peter founded the Church. St Christina the
Astonishing levitated and told people about heaven, hell, and purgatory. Who
knows what the calling will be?
What is certain is that I am not supposed to do my own
calling, and it is not others who do the calling, either. It is not society. It
is not LinkedIn. It is not social media influencers. It is God. And, as a
Jesuit recently told me, God is mostly silent.
What is left is a listening faith, a faith that listens to the silence, that watches the condensation drip down the window.