We suffer more than we need to, and often, perhaps, because we want to. Many of us reopen old wounds by dwelling on the past—what “he or she did last week or last year.” Many of us live in needless dread of what tomorrow will bring. (ODAT, 13 August)
This is the precise philosophy that forms the basis for my recovery: how I feel now depends on my attitude now, not the past, not the future, not other people, not circumstances.
It's a rare philosophy, in my experience, in twelve-step recovery rooms, where there is much talk of being 'affected' by things: the past, the future, other people, circumstances.
Of course, the starting point is that one certainly feels one is thus affected. X happened and I felt A. I recall X happening and I feel B. I anticipate X happening and I feel C.
The truth is that the algorithm causing X to produce A, B, or C resides inside me, not in the world, and that algorithm can be reprogrammed.
The further, horrible, truth is that there's a kick I'm getting out of that algorithm: redirecting blame externally, donning the mantle of victimhood, the relief of guilt afforded by this shift of responsibility, having a convenient whipping-boy to hand, and producing the image of myself as holy innocent, burning at the stake in a cruel world. Enticing and deadly.
And, worst of all, X is not really happening. X is a story I'm telling myself about Y, which is the reality of the situation, namely far bigger and far more complex than my tiny mind can fathom; Y is connected to every fact and circumstance in the universe in an impossibly complex network, and Y certainly does not centre on me. X is not even there, even if a few of the bare facts can be corroborated by others.
It's an uncomfortable philosophy to share about in meetings as it often runs against the prevailing discourse. How does one overcome that discomfort? By applying the very philosophy itself:
- I get to apply this philosophy—which is the only one I have found to be successful—even if I am the only one doing so;
- My job is to offer this;
- Whether others buy it is none of my business;
- We all get to remain in the same room together.