The reason why some people ‘weren’t emotionally available to me’, ‘blew hot and cold’, ‘ghosted me’, ‘abandoned me’ was because I was regularly insufferable:
Over-organised, intrusive, fixing, changing, controlling, tentacles everywhere, suckers glued to every surface. People had no room to breathe, grow, or be themselves.
Looking back, I would have left me if I could have.
Fortunately, recovery does indeed offer abandonment of self.
As I recently read:
‘I love seeing posters for lost cats. Your cat isn’t lost, man. Cat’s don’t get lost. Your cat left you.’