Although I do not always succeed, when sharing, I try to stick to:
- What I have learned about my Al-Anon problem (my powerlessness and unmanageability and their specific forms and manifestations, my incorrect beliefs, thinking, and behaviour, my character defects, and my own wrongs)
- The Al-Anon ideas and principles I have learned as alternative interpretations, philosophies, frames of references, antidotes, and courses of action
- The actions I have taken or am taking (Steps, Traditions, Concepts, Slogans, Sponsorship, Fellowship, Service)
- The results I have obtained or am obtaining
- … where possible and where there is time, illustrating each point with a practical and pertinent example.
I plan my shares, without excessively outlining, in order that I maximise the positive contribution I am making to the meeting and ensure that my contribution is optimally pertinent, well-structured, and coherent. I therefore make brief notes, stick to the notes, and stop either when I’m done or the time is up.
I do not go more than a few seconds over time (say, to finish a sentence) and do not embark on new points or topics after time is called. The time limit is a cap not a target.
I do not open my mouth without knowing what I am going to say or to say ‘I’m just opening my mouth to connect,’ or similar. Sharing to connect is great, but I can use the opportunity not just to connect but to contribute something of substance to the meeting.
I try to make a small number of points well rather than many points badly. Sometimes one point is sufficient.
I do allow myself to whitter or ramble. If I don’t know where I’m going, I come back onto my planned point. If I lose my track completely, I wind up and stop.
If I don’t know what to share, I ask God what to share. If I get clarity, I share. If I don’t, I do not.
I’ve learned the importance of sticking, in meetings, to the Al-Anon solution to my Al-Anon problem, and this means that there’s a lot I talk about with my friends that I do not go into when sharing in meetings. There is a considerable need for talking, but such needs are satisfied in the 23 hours of the day I’m not in an Al-Anon meeting.
Although I do not always succeed, when sharing, I try to avoid the following topics or content:
- How I’m feeling, my day, my week, my physical health, the events of my life or the lives of those around me, or my material or personal circumstances, past or present, except in brief in order then to illustrate my own application of the programme to such affairs
- Especially: my own analysis of such affairs, except through the lens of Al-Anon principles
- The actions or defects of the alcoholic, addict, or other disordered person, except in brief, to introduce my Al-Anon response to such persons
- Catalogues of personal failings as a form of public confession or self-upbraiding
- Generalised portrayals of my own dysfunction and / or distress
- Blaming my feelings, actions, or failures on anything or anyone outside myself, past or present
- How I’ve not been working the programme or all the things I’ve not been doing (this can be a good time to listen, instead, or to recount what I have been doing well)
- My intention to work the programme later today or in the future
- Any outside issue (especially religion or politics)
- Problems addressed by other twelve-step fellowships or outside therapies
- Religious jargon and ideas (in contrast to spiritual terminology, ideas, and practices)
- Psychotherapeutic or counselling ideas and jargon (e.g. abandonment, co-dependency, gaslighting, narcissism, toxicity, triggering, grief models, etc.)
- Psychological or psychiatric terminology (e.g. names of disorders)
- Other programmes or processes I’m in now or was in previously (whether twelve-step or otherwise, including any ideas taught by therapists or other practitioners)
- Carrying tales about other groups
- Anything I’m currently confused about (I save that for my friends and sponsor)
- Any topic I’m currently disturbed about, except as a springboard to present the Al-Anon solutions I’ve been applying and the results I’ve been getting