The first port of call is the officer responsible for the matter at hand. I approach the officer in question with a polite request or similar. If that doesn’t work, a quiet, cordial word with the GSR, chair, or secretary is appropriate. If these don’t work, I’m almost certainly battling uphill against a group conscience that has fundamentally different views, so my choice is to gracefully accept how things are done or leave, likewise gracefully. The prevailing winds and currents can never be changed by force, so I don’t even try.
Very occasionally, the correct place to raise an unresolved problem is in the group’s business meeting or group conscience meeting. When raising it, I present the facts as I see them, then the proposal I would like to make. If there is no proposal, there is no problem: there is only complaint, and complaints I should keep to myself. I am sparing about questions I raise in the group conscience: if everyone who had a proposal or complaint proposed a group conscience meeting, we would do little else than hold such meetings. In exceptional circumstances, Concept V can be invoked to pursue a grievance or voice a minority opinion. Such situations are rarer than hen’s teeth.
When I am in my right mind, I do not:
- Attempt to resolve group issues directly with the individual in question
- Agitate or rabble-rouse amongst my cronies
- Seek to bolster my position by recruiting outsiders
- Use WhatsApp or other electronic channels, whether in individual communications or, even worse, groups to:
- Criticise
- Make accusations
- Make demands
- Hurl jibes
- Threaten
In fact, poor behaviour in group WhatsApp groups is so rife, even in WhatsApp groups for group officers, I would counsel against their existence for listed groups, except for purely administrative business, e.g. finding stand-ins in publishing notices. For WhatsApp groups to remain cordial, it must be possible to remove disruptors, and, if the WhatsApp group is one of the group forums, one cannot do that without a wider removal of the individual from the group, which is rarely appropriate. Also, it must be possible oneself to leave a WhatsApp group without thereby being excluded from group business. This is likewise impossible where group business is attended to in a WhatsApp group. Since the only venue in which it is possible to maintain an orderly discussion is a group conscience meeting—and even then it is difficult—this should remain the only venue for discussion. Until people in general have learned to behave themselves online—for which I’m not holding my breath—we’re best off, in my view, keeping things face to face.
In terms of the language of discussion, it is wise to avoid flowery, emotive, or manipulative language. In a situation I have recently observed, the words ‘bullying’, ‘harassment’, ‘cult’, ‘brainwashing’, and other inflammatory language has been used. These are all ten-dollar words; these have specific meanings and should be used only with great caution. Only a fraction, for instance, of what is referred to as ‘bullying’ is really bullying. Likewise harassment. Such language is often invoked precisely by the people causing or exacerbating the problem to cast themselves as the victim and establish their position as de facto righteous. Reasonable attempts by reasonable people to curb disruption or aggression are often recast by the disruptors or aggressors as bullying and harassment. They are not. They are the responses to such, serving to protect the unity of the group and the good of all. ‘Safeguarding’ is about the protection of the legitimate interests in particular of the vulnerable; grandstanding, fulminating, or intimidating others are not protected rights, whatever Tradition, Concept, or handbook one is waving around to support one’s position.
In short, a good rule of thumb is to follow this:
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as good as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself. (Just For Today card)
A couple of last points:
‘Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.’ (Proverbs 26:17)
‘Have the grace to know when you’re out of your depth. If you’re out of your depth, bow out.’