Pray before picking up the phone
Pray whilst on the phone
Resolve to remain calm
Don’t pace up and down—sit down
Consciously relax the body
If really disturbed: lie on my back
Listen
Don’t interrupt
If interruption is necessary, ask permission or apologise
Do not speculate
Do not make assumptions
Interpret everything they say as charitably as possible
Proceed on the basis of surface contributions
Be aware of but don’t respond to covert messages
Q-TIP: Quit Taking It Personally
Ask lots of questions
Ask the other person to have their full say before I respond
Wait for the person to wind up completely before I respond
Wait to see if the other person asks me to respond before I respond
Ask the other person if they would like me to respond before I respond
Pause before speaking
Ask God to speak through me
First Things First
Easy Does It
When speaking, speak low and slowly
Proceed systematically, step by step
Say one thing at a time then wait for them to respond
Less is more
Say as much as necessary but as little as possible
Consider complete silence as an option
But don't use silence as a weapon
If picked up on silence, say 'I'm just thinking about what you're saying'
Consider changing the subject
Consider adjourning and resuming later
Say I’ll respond in writing
Say I’ve taken notes and will contemplate before responding
WAIT: Why am I talking?
WAIST: Why am I still talking?
If it gets too heated, terminate the conversation politely
If that’s not possible, just hang up, then turn the phone off for a while
If all else fails, pick between the Al-Anon responses:
Yes!
No!
Really!
Gosh!
OK!
Thanks!