A little recovery can be a dangerous thing. Sometimes tips from Al-Anon about how to express oneself can be misused to control but in a much more insidious way.
I've used the following techniques to manipulate people under the cloak of 'recovery language'.
'I'm not trying to control. I'm just expressing my feelings. I've learned not to deny them.'
Absolutely, but why am I expressing myself to them, right now? What is my purpose? There is no such thing as just expressing my feelings.
'I'm not saying you were being unkind, I simply experienced you as being unkind.'
This is actually a form of gaslighting. I'm denying the existence of objective reality and positing multiple realities, in order to maintain my victimhood and the other person's guilt, in the face of evidence and reality.
'It's not an opinion. It's my lived experience'
... to which someone responded: 'That doesn't mean it's real.'
Quite right!