When I got to AA, I wasn't doing myself any favours. I was offered a simple message of hope, but I wasn't having it. Here is a selection of my defensive weaponry:
- Cynicism
- Negativity
- Reading wordy books
- Indulging in windy arguments
- Mistrust
- Picking holes
- Fault-finding
- Looking for the worst
- Seeing the worst
- Complicating the hell out of things
- Cross-referencing
- Trying to reconcile new ideas with old
- Quoting the AA literature back
- But ...
- If ...
- Trying to pour new wine into old skins
- Being a black hole that swallows all light
Here is an example from literature:
Instantly a glorious feast appeared on the Dwarfs' knees: pieces and tongues and pigeons and trifles and ices, and each Dwarf had a goblet of good wine in his right hand. But it wasn't much use. They began eating and drinking greedily enough, but it was clear that they couldn't taste it properly. They thought they were eating and drinking only the sort of things you might find in a Stable. One said he was trying to eat hay and another said he had got a bit of an old turnip and a third said he'd found a raw cabbage leaf. And they raised golden goblets of rich red wine to their lips and said, "Ugh! Fancy drinking dirty water out of a trough that a donkey's been at! Never thought we'd come to this." ..."You see," said Aslan. "They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out. But come, children. I have other work to do."
The Last Battle, C. S. Lewis
Possessions can be ideas, beliefs, attitudes, values, thinking, and the very tools used to perceive and interpret the world:
Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.
Matthew 19:21–22
What does the Big Book say?
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Here's a different approach:
Pure, holy simplicity confounds all the wisdom of this world and the wisdom of the flesh.St Francis of Assisi
If thou has made some difficulties for thyself, if thou art such a fool as to be tying knots and wanting to get them untied before thou wilt believe in [God], then I have nothing to say to thee, except it were, beware lest thou dost tie a knot that shall destroy thy soul; but if thou be troubled with an honest objection, I say to thee now, in God's name, 'Ask of God.' You need not wait till you get home, you need not stay till you have left that seat, but now, silently, in your soul, …, breathe the prayer, 'O God, teach thou me: …; save my soul this day; end the doubtful strife; answer these questions; bring me, as an humble seeker, to lie before the footstool of thy sovereign mercy, …' 'Let him ask—that is all—let him ask.'Charles H. Spurgeon
Here's a remedy:
'Simply do this: Be still, and lay aside all thoughts of what you are and what God is; all concepts you have learned about the world; all images you hold about yourself. Empty your mind of everything it thinks is either true or false, or good or bad, of every thought it judges worthy, and all the ideas of which it is ashamed. Hold onto nothing. Do not bring with you one thought the past has taught, nor one belief you ever learned before from anything. Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God.'
A Course In Miracles
Here's another remedy:
God, I hereby set aside everything I thought I knew about alcoholism, AA, the Twelve Steps, me, and You, so I can learn something new, and learn it properly, uncontaminated by old ideas.
The final words go to Our Southern Friend:
Then he asks me if I believe in a power greater than myself, whether I call that power God, Allah, Confucius, Prime Cause, Divine Mind, or any other name. I told him that I believe in electricity and other forces of nature, but as for a God, if there is one, He has never done anything for me. Then he asks me if I am willing to right all the wrongs I have ever done to anyone, no matter how wrong I thought the others were. Am I willing to be honest with myself about myself and tell someone about myself, and am I willing to think of other people, of their needs instead of myself, in order to get rid of the drink problem?“I’ll do anything,” I reply.“Then all of your troubles are over,” says the man and leaves the room.“I must ask you a question,” I say to the man. “How does prayer fit into this thing?”“Well,” he answers, “you’ve probably tried praying like I have. When you’ve been in a jam, you’ve said, ‘God, please do this or that,’ and if it turned out your way that was the last of it, and, if it didn’t, you’ve said ‘There isn’t any God’ or ‘He doesn’t do anything for me.’ Is that right?”“Yes,” I reply.“That isn’t the way,” he continued. “The thing I do is to say ‘God, here I am and here are all my troubles. I’ve made a mess of things and can’t do anything about it. You take me, and all my troubles, and do anything you want with me.’ Does that answer your question?”“Yes, it does,” I answer.