I used to think that I became the way I was because I was 'taught' by the people around me. I was neurotic and selfish etc. because they were. Firstly, were they? Well, a few were. But many were not. I was the one that chose to mimic those people. I chose not to mimic the non-dysfunctional ones. My father was largely placid, insouciant, outward-looking, and service-oriented. Did I mimic him? No. Is that how I naturally became after I worked the Steps? Yes, it turns out. It turns I take after him in many ways, when my ego is out of the way. This points to the ego as the problem.
A second point, I blamed my family for how I was and yet, in other respects, rebelled.
In one branch of my family, there is an extremely dysfunctional unit. Yet one of the children in that unit grew up selfless, calm, highly observant, and astonishingly functional. This can't be explained with reference to the principle of necessarily being moulded by parental influences. He rebelled against those, right from the start. The ego is the early bird that gets the worm. But where the ego is rejected, reality shines through from underneath.
I could have rebelled against the neurotic approach to life. But I didn't. It suited my ego to mimic that. If rebellion is possible, if 'no' is possible at all, 'no' is possible to anything.