Telling people you're upset

One of the most insidious pseudo-spiritual principles in circulation is that, when I am upset, I have to tell the person who I think upset me. Sometimes, people say that, unless they do that, the resentment will fester inside them. It may well do, but that's because of not knowing how to drain the sink and tipping the dirty dishwater over the person whose plate I just washed.

Firstly, the other person is not the one who upset me. I am the one who upset me. I used their behaviour as a reason to upset myself. If I'm telling them, I'm actually telling the wrong person. I should be telling me.

Secondly, the answer to resentment is forgiveness, which is the withdrawal of judgement.

Once I'm thus at peace, I can review whether I need to make a practical adjustment as well: a polite request to the other people, different behaviour in my part, or even distancing or withdrawal.