I took the long way round with a lot of relationships.
I complained, wrote, journalled, talked, inner-childed, codependency-workbooked, and therapied about my mother in various ways for around 30 years. Nothing changed.
I then made amends, real amends, and decided to listen to her, and ask God how I could love her. I acted on that basis. Everything changed.
I take the short way round, now.
I observe my other half very carefully. I observe my effect on him. I see where I am wrong. I fix it. If he expresses hurt, I listen, and adjust my behaviour.
I made the decision not to attempt to control or regulate him in any way whatsoever.
I regularly ask him: Is there anything I do that negatively affects you? Is there anything you would like me to stop doing, start doing, or do differently? I act on that basis.
We get on extremely well.