How I have avoided being helped:
- Not asking for help
- Asking for an appointment then missing it
- Calling but then not answering a callback
- Calling but then turning off the phone
- Calling only co-signers
- Calling people with the same blind spots
- Giving no one person the whole truth
- Dividing input-seeking between too many inputters
- Calling only when distracted or multitasking
- Calling without the materials to hand
- Calling without being able to take notes
- Denying comprehension of input when it's plain
- 'Is it?' 'Does it?' 'Is that the case?' 'Really?' etc.
- Repeating the input with a questioning inflection
- Repeating the input with an exclamatory inflection
- Reexplaining the problem once the input has been provided
- Mirroring back a distorted version
- Casting general doubt on input without citing grounds
- Analysing the input or some aspect thereof
- Dispute, argument, nit-picking, objections, reservations, qualifications
- Sophistry, technicality, Pharisaism, legalism
- Outright denial or dismissal of input
- Boxing the input as suitable for the inputter or others but not me
- Downplaying, relativising, or contextualising input
- Grudging, equivocal, or non-committal acceptance of input
- Questioning the knowledge, authority, or experience of the inputter
- Questioning the 'lineage' or 'qualifications' of the inputter
- Questioning the motives of the inputter
- Asking the inputter where the input came from
- Recasting the input as attack or as 'unsafe'
- Outright attack or reproach of the inputter
- Pleading non-comprehension on the part of the inputter
- Pitting the inputter against:
- … the AA or other literature
- … something heard in a meeting
- … AA folk wisdom
- … something the inputter previously said
- … what a previous sponsor said
- … what the therapist said
- … what 'God' said
- ... the input-seeker's own solution
- 'But you don't understand!'
- 'But what you need to understand is …'
- 'But what you don't get is …'
- 'You need to know that …'
- 'I need you to know that …'
- 'Can I just say …'
- 'I'd just like to say …'
- 'For the sake of clarity …'
- 'For the sake of completeness …'
- 'In my own defence …'
- 'For context, …'
- Pre-empting or seeking to eliciting particular input
- Painting the inputter into a binary corner
- 'Shouldn't I ...?'
- 'Don't you think ...?'
- 'What do you think if I ...?'
- Negotiating the input
- Adjusting input then batting it back for co-signing
- Seeking input after the action was taken- Reframing my defects as neutral or even virtuous
- Blaming others for reacting to my defects
- Casting others' reactions to my defects as idiosyncrasies
- Blaming circumstances or factors beyond my control for my defects
- Attributing my mistakes to guidance from God
- Attributing my mistakes to the inputter's previous guidance
- Attributing my mistakes to AA literature, spiritual principles, etc.
- JEDI mind tricks (justification, explanation, defence, intentions)
- Asserting past good intentions
- Short-circuiting discussion by professing good intentions now
- Responding to questions with vague, evasive. or irrelevant answers
- Responding to questions tersely or not at all
- Denying there is anything for the question to elicit
- Requiring extensive and persistent interrogation to get to the truth
- Lack of cooperation in following the train of thought
- Digression, red herrings, and rabbit holes
- Non sequiturs
- Refusal to respond to questions
- Proposing the existence of multiple truths or realities
- Circling back to reopen settled points
- Drip-feeding key facts to reset the discussion back to square one
- Flooding with facts to obscure key truths
- Mixing interpretation and conjecture with facts when presenting a situation
- Presenting the story in a non-linear way
- 'My truth is …'
- 'What's true for me is …'
- 'For me …'
- 'In my experience …'
- Obfuscating with contradiction
- Obfuscating with vagueness, hackneyed, and figurative language
- Obfuscating with misapplied, broad, or ill-defined therapeutic jargon …
- … e.g. 'trauma', 'abandonment', 'gaslighting', 'narcissistic'
- Obfuscating with pseudo-spiritual jargon …
- … e.g. 'energetic', 'vibrations', 'my heart'
- Focusing on irrelevant details to distract from the main point
- Trying to 'win' rather than getting to the truth or a solution
- Claiming ignorance in relation to what is self-evident
- Attempting to elicit pity
- Expressions of powerlessness
- Showcasing my reaction to the input to distract from the substance
- Crying
- Shouting or screaming
- Babbling, jabbering, flooding
- Mumbling or muttering
- Interrupting and talking over
- Sighing or other non-verbal noises
- Silence
- Hanging up