I have a lot of conversations with people who say they've been through the Steps many times but are still resentful and frightened and in conflict with others. When I was around 15 years sober, I found out that, although I had gone through the mechanics of the Steps, I had not accepted the basic premises on which they are based.
Going through the Steps many times is great. But going through the Steps once is better.
Page 62 says, 'So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.'
If I think that any trouble of mine is someone else's making, I haven't gotten past page 62. Actions past that point might have been taken, but if that point is not accepted, that is the furthest point I have reached. If I have previously accepted that point, I might have progressed further in the past, but if I do not accept it today, in respect of my current problems, that's where I am: I have regressed to a point before Step Three is taken. All further progress has been nullified.
It gets worse:
Page 45 says, 'Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.'
If I am still relying on my human resources—my perception, interpretation, and understanding of the situation—I have not gotten past page 45.
Oh no!
Page 25 says, 'But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it.'
If I have a problem situation, and I am not 100% convinced of the hopelessness and futility of life as I am living it, I have not gotten past page 25.
Without the basic recognition that my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour are the problem, I haven't even started the programme, no matter how many times I have 'taken the Steps'.
If I'm in trouble, either emotionally or practically, yet believe I am right on any level, I'm back not at square one but before square one. Square one is the admission of defeat, which means recognising that my beliefs, thinking, and behaviour are fundamentally out of whack.