Shame, low self-worth, and lovelessness

I thought my problems were shame, low self-worth, and lovelessness.

The truth was that I felt ashamed because I could not outperform everyone around me.

I felt low self-worth but was full of resentment because I knew better than others how they should act.

I felt unloved despite being loved regularly and persistently.

My real problem:

The desire to steal specialness from others.

I felt loved only when you made me feel special in comparison with others, when you singled me out for constant validation, attention, and praise.

I felt high self-worth only when others obeyed my constant demands.

I felt satisfied with myself only when everyone was defeated and I was the last man standing.