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Literally everything I know about relationships

on May 29, 2022

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Correct my attitudes. Correct my behaviour. Negotiate practical stuff calmly and pragmatically. Accept them as they are. If I can't, leave.

Labels: Relationships

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AA history2 Abandonment1 Abstinence3 Acceptance22 Acting out9 Action43 Addiction6 Adversity1 Advice5 Agnosticism4

Agreement2 Al-Anon155 Alcohol2 Alcoholism10 Altruism1 Ambition5 Amends8 Anger24 Anniversaries2 Anonymity6 Anxiety10 Any lengths1 Apologies2 Apology2 Area / District / Region3 Armed services liaison1 Atheism6 Attack3 Attention-seeking2 Attitude1 Attitudes1 Authenticity3 Authority1 Balance2 Ballots1 Basic suggestions3 Bedevilments3 Behaviour5 Being wrong4 Belief2 Beliefs5 Big Book24 Bill Wilson1 Bitterness1 Blackouts1 Blame8 Boundaries35 BS-busting3 Business meetings14 Cabbages1 Candour2 Caretaking1 Causes and Conditions2 Certain Type of Hard Drinker2 Certainty1 Chairing7 Change27 Character defects24 Charity1 Chemistry1 Childishness1 Children1 Choice6 Codependency6 Cognitive biases1 Cognitive distortions5 Comfort1 Commitment8 Committees1 Communication5 Community2 Comparison1 Compassion2 Complaining2 Compliance6 Compulsion1 Concept I15 Concept II13 Concept III22 Concept IV12 Concept IX12 Concept V16 Concept VI14 Concept VII10 Concept VIII9 Concept X15 Concept XI14 Concept XII24 Concepts11 Condemnation1 Conference3 Conference Charter1 Conference Delegates1 Conference-Approved Literature1 Conflict9 Confusion2 Connection3 Consciousness1 Consequences1 Consultation1 Control15 Controversy1 Conventions and conferences3 Cooperation1 Corrective measures19 Courage2 Craziness2 Credit1 Crises6 Criticism5 Current affairs1 Current Agnosticism1 Daily plan1 Daily programme15 Death Threats3 Debate3 Decisions26 Delusion17 Demands40 Denial2 Depression10 Despair5 Detachment22 Difficulties2 Directions5 Disagreement1 Discipline2 Discussion3 Disease3 Dishonesty2 Disruption1 Disturbance3 Doctor's Opinion1 Dr Bob1 Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers1 Drama7 Drinking5 Drugs2 Early AA1 Early days2 Efficiency1 Effort3 Ego87 Electronic media2 Emergency measures7 Emmet Fox3 Emotional sobriety3 Emotions61 Empathy1 Empowerment1 Encouragement1 Enjoyment1 Enthusiasm3 Error3 Evening review3 Events2 Evil2 Expectations5 Experience2 Extrapolation1 Extremism1 Faith11 False idols5 Family1 Family Afterward6 Fear58 Fear inventory3 Fellowship17 First Things First6 Flyers3 Food Addiction6 Foolishness1 Forewords8 Forgiveness27 Four Ms1 Fourth dimension3 Freedom6 Full measures1 Fun2 Fundamentalism2 Futility1 Future4 GA1 Gambling Addiction4 Games1 Gaslighting2 General Service Board (GSB)1 Generalisation3 Ghosting1 Giving3 God102 God-reliance110 God's business11 God's will39 Gossip2 Grace5 Gratitude8 Grief4 Grievance2 Group conscience21 Group inventory1 Groups20 Growth2 GSR5 Guilt21 Half measures1 Happiness12 Harassment3 Hard times3 Harm4 Harry M. Tiebout1 Hatred1 Hebrew6 Hedonism1 Hell1 Helping6 Higher Power25 Hobbies1 Home group18 Honesty20 Hope6 Humility13 Hurt1 Ideals1 Identification3 Identity10 Illusions1 Immaturity1 Immorality2 Imperfection2 Inaction1 Inadequacy1 Individualism1 Informal fallacies1 Innocence1 Insanity3 Insecurity1 Inspiration3 Instructions3 Intelligence5 Intelligent agent3 Intergroup7 Interpretation2 Intimacy9 Intuition2 Irony1 Isolation1 JA1 Jealousy2 Jim's Story1 Joy6 Judgement14 Keep it simple10 Kindness4 Knowledge2 Language8 Language of the Big Book4 Last word1 Laurels1 Leadership2 Leaving recovery1 Let It Begin With Me2 Letting go14 Letting go of old ideas18 Lifelong conceptions1 Light1 Live And Let Live1 Living in the triangle1 Logic2 Logical fallacies1 London1 Loneliness1 Long-term sobriety8 Loss2 Love25 Love Addiction7 Management1 Manipulation12 Materialism13 Maximum service10 Medical problems1 Meditation23 Meeting formats2 Meetings55 Mental Obsession25 Method3 Miracles2 Misery4 Moderate drinkers1 Money3 Mood1 Moral aspect4 Moralism1 Morality8 More About Alcoholism2 Mortality2 Mothering1 Motivation3 Multiple fellowships6 Musts1 My business1 Myths1 Narcissism1 Narratives1 Negativity12 Neutrality1 Newcomers14 News1 Nicotine1 Nihilism1 Now5 OA1 Obsession2 Offence2 One Day At A Time3 Online forums1 Open-mindedness4 Openness1 Opinions2 Outlining1 Pain18 Paranoia3 Past6 Patience7 Pausing3 Peace12 People-pleasing8 Perception9 Perfectionism3 Personalisation1 Perspective3 Pharisees1 Physical Craving17 Physical health2 Pills1 Pity2 Planning8 Playing God5 Politics1 Positivity3 Power10 Powerlessness37 Prayer35 Preamble1 Preface4 Preferences2 Prejudice1 Present3 Pride9 Primary Purpose5 Priorities4 Problem-Solving13 Problems45 Problems Other Than Alcohol6 Progress5 Progression1 Projection5 Promises5 Psychological aspect2 Public information6 Purpose13 Quarantining3 Questions4 Quotations1 Rationalisation1 Rationality2 Reactivity5 Reading1 Real Alcoholic1 Reality21 Realm of the spirit2 Reason8 Receiving1 Recordings1 Recovered vs recovering1 Recovery14 Redemption1 Relapse51 Relationships49 Relief4 Religion8 Remorse2 Requests1 Resentment71 Resentment Inventory14 Reservations1 Resistance24 Resolutions2 Respect1 Responsibility41 Results2 Reworking the Twelve Steps16 Right of Decision1 Rising above the problem3 Risk1 Rock-bottom4 Romance1 Romance Addiction15 Rudeness1 Rule 621 Rules3 S-Anon4 SA5 Sabotage3 Sacred cows1 Safeguarding1 Safety1 Salvation1 Sane and Sound Ideal2 Sanity5 Sarcasm1 Satire1 Scepticism1 Second Column1 Second surrender17 Self20 Self-abandonment29 Self-absorption6 Self-care3 Self-centredness5 Self-deception1 Self-esteem21 Self-forgetting9 Self-imposed crisis1 Self-justification3 Self-obsession13 Self-pity4 Self-reliance25 Self-righteousness2 Self-sacrifice4 Self-will25 Selfish programme2 Selfishness12 Sensitivity1 Separation from God4 Serenity1 Serenity Prayer6 Service54 Service meetings2 SETA 2024 Traditions in Relationships Q&A5 Setting aside1 Sex7 Sex Addiction19 Shame10 Sharing44 Shortcuts1 Simplicity10 Sincerity1 Slavery1 Slogans7 Slovak1 Sobriety11 Society2 Solution3 Solutions59 Sordid places1 Speakers1 Speaking3 Special interest groups2 Speculation2 Speed2 Spiritual awakening22 Spiritual basis4 Spiritual bypass5 Spiritual malady10 Spiritual pride3 Spiritual principles14 Spiritual solution4 Spirituality20 Sponsorship139 Staying close to God5 Staying sober2 Step buddies1 Step Eight22 Step Eleven65 Step Eleven Review21 Step Five10 Step Four34 Step Four: Page 67 questions7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Bridge Passage7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: First Column1 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Second Column6 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Third Column15 Step Nine28 Step One100 Step One (Al-Anon)12 Step One (insanity)18 Step Seven42 Step Six39 Step Ten36 Step Three51 Step Three Idea12 Step Three Requirement12 Step Twelve5 Step Twelve (all our affairs)37 Step Twelve (carrying the message)60 Step Twelve. Service1 Step Two42 Step Two Proposition3 Step XII1 Step Zero5 Stories1 Stress1 Structure of the fellowship1 Study1 Sub-committee3 Success9 Suffering14 Suggestions7 Suicide1 Surrender93 Sympathy1 Take It Easy1 Teamaking1 Therapy2 There Is A Solution5 Thinking85 Thirteenth Step1 Thoroughly1 Three Legacies1 Three-fold1 Time1 Tips4 To Wives3 Tolerance14 Toxicity1 Tradition I20 Tradition II22 Tradition III7 Tradition IV17 Tradition IX17 Tradition V17 Tradition VI10 Tradition VII11 Tradition VIII5 Tradition X14 Tradition XI13 Tradition XII11 Traditions10 Treasury1 Triggers3 Troubles6 True from the false (cannot differentiate)1 Trust14 Truth15 Turning over3 Twelve & Twelve3 Twelve Step Fellowships4 Twelve Steps28 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions3 Two-fold2 Unhappiness21 Unity3 Unmanageability27 Upset23 Urgency1 Usefulness3 Validation2 Values7 Victimhood37 Voting1 Vulnerability1 Wanting3 Wanting to stop1 Warranty IV2 Warranty V1 Warranty VI1 We Agnostics6 Willingness42 Willpower1 Withdrawal1 Work9 Workaholism2 Working the Steps13 Workshop packs4 World (the)5 Worry13 Young people and AA1 עברית7 ענווה1

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In 1993, I wrote my first Fourth Step inventory. I was instructed to use the Big Book as the guide. I had a wonderful experience, and it changed my life. I remained confused, however, about the purpose of the third column of the resentment inventory. In this column, according to the Big Book, we are encouraged to write which area of 'self' is affected by a resentment. There are seven: pride, self-esteem, personal and sex relations, ambitions, security, and pocketbooks (= money). The Big Book then remains silent on the significance of the results—in other words what to 'do' with this information. The Fourth Step inventory is certainly effective, even without further work on this third column, as the suggestions on forgiveness on page 67 will be largely effective in removing most resentments, at least for the time being. I remained stuck, however, in double-digit sobriety, with resentments I could not get rid of and resentments that kept cropping up in diffe

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