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Literally everything I know about relationships

on May 29, 2022

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Correct my attitudes. Correct my behaviour. Negotiate practical stuff calmly and pragmatically. Accept them as they are. If I can't, leave.

Labels: Relationships

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AA history2 Abandonment1 Abstinence3 Acceptance27 Acting out10 Action45 Addiction7 Adversity1 Advice5 Agnosticism6

Agreement2 Al-Anon183 Alcohol2 Alcoholism14 Altruism1 Ambition6 Amends9 Anger24 Anniversaries2 Anonymity8 Anxiety12 Any lengths2 Apologies2 Apology3 Area / District / Region3 Armed services liaison1 Arrogance5 Atheism8 Attack3 Attention-seeking2 Attitude1 Attitudes1 Authenticity3 Authority1 Balance2 Ballots1 Basic suggestions3 Bedevilments3 Behaviour6 Being wrong4 Belief3 Beliefs5 Big Book26 Bill Wilson2 Bill's Story1 Bitterness1 Blackouts1 Blame13 Boundaries39 Brainstorm2 BS-busting3 Business meetings15 Cabbages1 Candour2 Caretaking1 Causes and Conditions2 Certain Type of Hard Drinker3 Certainty1 Chairing7 Change36 Character1 Character defects26 Charity1 Chemistry1 Childishness1 Children1 Choice7 Codependency7 Cognitive biases1 Cognitive distortions5 Comfort1 Commitment8 Committees1 Communication5 Community2 Comparison1 Compassion2 Complacency1 Complaining4 Compliance6 Compulsion1 Concept I15 Concept II13 Concept III22 Concept IV12 Concept IX14 Concept V17 Concept VI14 Concept VII10 Concept VIII9 Concept X16 Concept XI15 Concept XII26 Concepts11 Condemnation2 Conference3 Conference Charter1 Conference Delegates1 Conference-Approved Literature1 Confession1 Conflict10 Confusion2 Connection4 Consciousness2 Consequences2 Consideration1 Consultation1 Control16 Controversy1 Conventions and conferences3 Cooperation1 Corrective measures20 Courage2 Craziness2 Credit1 Crises7 Criticism8 Current affairs1 Current Agnosticism1 Daily plan3 Daily programme18 Death Threats4 Debate3 Decisions31 Delusion18 Demands42 Denial2 Depression11 Design for living1 Despair9 Detachment28 Detox1 Difficulties2 Directions5 Disagreement1 Discipline3 Discontent2 Discretion1 Discussion4 Disease3 Dishonesty2 Disruption1 Disturbance3 Doctor's Opinion2 Dr Bob1 Dr Bob and the Good Oldtimers1 Drama7 Dreams1 Drinking6 Drugs2 Early AA1 Early days2 Efficiency1 Effort5 Electronic media2 Emergency measures9 Emmet Fox3 Emotional sobriety5 Emotions76 Empathy1 Empowerment1 Encouragement1 Enjoyment1 Enthusiasm3 Error3 Etiquette1 Evening review3 Events2 Evil2 Excitement1 Expectations5 Experience3 Extrapolation1 Extremism1 Faith13 False idols6 Family1 Family Afterward6 Fear67 Fear inventory3 Fellowship17 First Things First6 Fit Spiritual Condition3 Flyers3 Food Addiction8 Foolishness1 Forewords8 Forgiveness29 Four Ms1 Fourth dimension3 Freedom8 Full measures1 Fun3 Fundamentalism2 Futility2 Future5 GA1 Gambling Addiction5 Games1 Gaslighting2 General Service Board (GSB)1 Generalisation3 Ghosting1 Giving3 God113 God-reliance136 God's business11 God's will47 Gossip2 Grace7 Gratitude10 Grief4 Grievance4 Grouch1 Group conscience22 Group inventory1 Groups20 Growth3 GSR5 Guilt22 Half measures1 Hammer Man1 Happiness17 Harassment3 Hard times3 Harm4 Harry M. Tiebout1 Hatred1 Hebrew6 Hedonism1 Hell1 Helping7 Higher Power27 Hobbies1 Home group20 Honesty22 Hope8 Humility27 Hurt2 Ideals3 Identification4 Identity17 Illusions2 Immaturity1 Immorality3 Imperfection2 Impulse2 Inaction1 Inadequacy1 Individualism1 Informal fallacies1 Innocence1 Insanity4 Insecurity2 Inspiration4 Instructions3 Intelligence5 Intelligent agent3 Intergroup7 Interpretation2 Intimacy10 Intuition3 Inventory1 Irony1 Irritable2 Isolation1 JA1 Jaywalker1 Jealousy2 Jim's Story1 Joy7 Judgement14 Keep it simple11 Kindness4 Knowledge2 Language10 Language of the Big Book6 Last word1 Laurels1 Leadership3 Leaving recovery1 Let It Begin With Me3 Letting go16 Letting go of old ideas18 Lifelong conceptions1 Light1 Live And Let Live1 Living in the triangle1 Logic3 Logical fallacies1 London1 Loneliness1 Long-term sobriety8 Loss2 Love25 Love Addiction8 Management2 Manipulation12 Materialism19 Maximum service10 Meaning1 Medical problems1 Meditation24 Meeting formats2 Meetings58 Mental Obsession32 Method3 Miracles2 Misery4 Moderate drinkers1 Money3 Mood1 Moral aspect4 Moralism1 Morality10 More About Alcoholism2 Mortality2 Mothering1 Motivation4 Multiple fellowships6 Musts1 My business1 Myths1 Narcissism1 Narratives1 Needs1 Negativity12 Neutrality2 Newcomers15 News1 Nicotine1 Nihilism1 Now6 OA1 Obsession2 Offence4 One Day At A Time4 Online forums1 Open-mindedness4 Openness1 Opinions2 Outlining1 Pain21 Paranoia3 Past8 Patience7 Pausing3 Peace13 People-pleasing9 Perception9 Perfection1 Perfectionism3 Persistence1 Personalisation1 Perspective5 Pharisees1 Physical Craving21 Physical health2 Pills1 Pity3 Planning10 Playing God5 Politics1 Positivity4 Power10 Powerlessness41 Prayer41 Preamble1 Preface4 Preferences2 Prejudice1 Present4 Pride15 Primary Purpose6 Priorities4 Problem-Solving14 Problems48 Problems Other Than Alcohol6 Progress5 Progression1 Projection5 Promises5 Psychic change2 Psychological aspect2 Public information6 Purpose13 Quarantining3 Questions4 Quotations1 Rationalisation1 Rationality2 Reactivity5 Reading2 Real Alcoholic2 Reality26 Realm of the spirit2 Reason9 Receiving1 Recordings1 Recovered vs recovering1 Recovery17 Redemption1 Relapse59 Relationships60 Relief4 Religion8 Remorse2 Requests2 Resentment79 Reservations1 Resistance25 Resolutions3 Respect1 Responsibility48 Restless2 Restraint1 Results2 Reworking the Twelve Steps19 Right of Appeal1 Right of Decision1 Right of Petition1 Rising above the problem3 Risk1 Rock-bottom5 Romance1 Romance Addiction16 Rudeness1 Rule 621 Rules3 S-Anon4 SA5 Sabotage3 Sacred cows1 Safeguarding2 Safety2 Salvation1 Sane and Sound Ideal2 Sanity6 Sarcasm1 Satire1 Satisfaction1 Scepticism1 Second surrender18 Secrets1 Self (ego)109 Self-abandonment34 Self-absorption7 Self-care3 Self-centredness7 Self-confidence1 Self-deception1 Self-esteem23 Self-forgetting9 Self-imposed crisis1 Self-justification3 Self-obsession13 Self-pity5 Self-reliance30 Self-righteousness3 Self-sacrifice4 Self-sufficiency1 Self-will27 Selfish programme2 Selfishness17 Sensitivity2 Separation from God5 Serenity1 Serenity Prayer6 Service60 Service meetings2 SETA 2024 Traditions in Relationships Q&A12 Setting aside1 Sex7 Sex Addiction20 Shame11 Sharing51 Shortcuts1 Silence1 Simplicity12 Sincerity1 Singleness of purpose1 Slavery1 Sleep1 Slogans7 Slovak1 Sobriety15 Society2 Solution3 Solutions61 Sordid places1 Speakers1 Speaking4 Special interest groups2 Speculation2 Speed2 Spiritual awakening27 Spiritual basis5 Spiritual bypass5 Spiritual malady12 Spiritual pride3 Spiritual principles15 Spiritual solution8 Spirituality23 Sponsorship143 Staying close to God6 Staying sober2 Step buddies1 Step Eight23 Step Eleven66 Step Eleven Review22 Step Five11 Step Four39 Step Four: Page 67 questions7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory16 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Bridge Passage7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: First Column3 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Second Column7 Step Four: Resentment Inventory: Third Column15 Step Nine31 Step One117 Step One (Al-Anon)12 Step One (insanity)23 Step Seven46 Step Six42 Step Ten43 Step Three59 Step Three Idea13 Step Three Requirement14 Step Twelve7 Step Twelve (all our affairs)41 Step Twelve (carrying the message)69 Step Twelve (service)4 Step Two43 Step Two Proposition3 Step XII1 Step Zero5 Stopping drinking3 Stories1 Stress2 Structure of the fellowship1 Study1 Sub-committee3 Success9 Suffering14 Suggestions8 Suicide1 Surrender99 Sympathy1 Tact1 Take It Easy1 Talking1 Teamaking1 Therapy2 There Is A Solution5 Thinking95 Thirteenth Step1 Thoroughly1 Three Legacies1 Three-fold1 Time1 Tips4 To Wives3 Tolerance14 Toxicity1 Tradition I23 Tradition II23 Tradition III9 Tradition IV20 Tradition IX18 Tradition V20 Tradition VI11 Tradition VII13 Tradition VIII6 Tradition X17 Tradition XI14 Tradition XII13 Traditions10 Treasury1 Triggers3 Troubles7 True from the false (cannot differentiate)1 Trust19 Truth17 Turning over7 Twelve Step Fellowships4 Twelve Steps31 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions6 Two-fold2 Two-Stepping1 Unhappiness30 Unity4 Unmanageability30 Untreated alcoholism1 Upset25 Urgency1 Usefulness5 Validation2 Values8 Victimhood45 Voting1 Vulnerability1 Wanting4 Wanting to stop2 Warranty IV3 Warranty V1 Warranty VI1 We Agnostics6 Willingness44 Willpower1 Withdrawal3 Work11 Workaholism2 Working the Steps14 Workshop packs4 World (the)6 Worry14 Young people and AA1 עברית7 ענווה1

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Step four, resentments, third column: so what?

In 1993, I wrote my first Fourth Step inventory. I was instructed to use the Big Book as the guide. I had a wonderful experience, and it changed my life. I remained confused, however, about the purpose of the third column of the resentment inventory. In this column, according to the Big Book, we are encouraged to write which area of 'self' is affected by a resentment. There are seven: pride, self-esteem, personal and sex relations, ambitions, security, and pocketbooks (= money). The Big Book then remains silent on the significance of the results—in other words what to 'do' with this information. The Fourth Step inventory is certainly effective, even without further work on this third column, as the suggestions on forgiveness on page 67 will be largely effective in removing most resentments, at least for the time being. I remained stuck, however, in double-digit sobriety, with resentments I could not get rid of and resentments that kept cropping up in diffe...

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