In my experience, in my unhealthy relationships, the two of us have focused on each other. In my healthy relationships, we join in focusing on our own and others' creations.
In a healthy relationship, we go for dinner and dessert. In an unhealthy relationship, we go for dinner and are dessert.
Intimacy is not talking about me or about you. That's a gory medical examination. What you have with your proctologist, gynaecological, or post-mortem anatomical pathologist is personal but not intimate. Upset is the ego's flower. It can't be shared. Only joy can be shared, because only joy joins.
What's intimacy? Sharing an experience without being the experience; watching a show together, not being the show. It's what shows up when the self dissolves. Self precludes intimacy. Intimacy cannot be learned. Blocks to it need only be removed.