When I'm frightened, if I turn to God, I know what the answer will be:
Everything is alright.
I might complain I don't understand this.
It is perfectly clear, however, and I know this. I have seen enough evidence that people, if they wish, can be OK whatever the circumstances, and are indeed at peace whatever the circumstances.
My problem is not lack of comprehension.
It's that, if everything is OK, if peace is real and available, all my other plans are futile, and my whole identity is redundant. 'I' will cease to exist.
Of course, it is the ego that will cease to operate.
So I decide, wearily, to turn back into the ordinary fears, to avoid the bigger fear that I'm living inside a nightmare of my own making.
I actually prefer to live inside the nightmare, because, in it, 'I' am real, than to escape the nightmare, which involves abandoning that 'I'.
I prefer that ... until I don't.