Why did I drink? Why did I take [name substance]? Why did I [name acting out]?
Not childhood: people with the same childhood are not usually addicts.
Not childhood: people with the same childhood are not usually addicts.
Not enjoyment: overall, it's not enjoyable. Even in the moment: not enjoyable.
Not feelings: 'I drank on feelings of ...'
Ever met anyone with those feelings who didn't drink?
Yes. Well, then?
So why?
Because the chemistry set 'likes' it.
Why does the chemistry set 'like' it?
It doesn't know. It doesn't think. It doesn't feel. It doesn't reason. It doesn't even 'like' it.
It's just programmed this way: It 'wants' more, and when it goes without, it 'wants' to go back.
It's not really liking. It's not really wanting. It's more this:
It's programmed to amplify and repeat. It sends messages to the frontal lobes to instruct me to go wherever I need to go and do whatever I need to do to get the hit I need to get, to get the chemical inside my body, to act out in the particular way, to get the neurotransmitters to be released, to hit the right neuroreceptors, then ...
BAM
BAM
And we're OK for a moment.
Then
BAM
Then
BAM
Then
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM ad NAUSEAM till I'm lying in the middle of the road, beaten up, injured, or arrested, sneering and snarling at the world.
The frontal lobes will spin whatever fanciful yarn rationalises the obvious insanity.
But none of it is true. None of the reasons. None of the narratives.
There is no WHY.
There is only IS.
There is only the FACT.
So what is the solution?
The deus ex machina, the god from outside the machine.
The machine is programmed and can't de-programme itself.
It has only itself to turn to.
Something needs to suspend its operation, before change can take place.
There is one tiny part of the mechanism that is free.
It's the human will.
It, and only it, can turn away from the mechanism.
But it needs something to turn to.
Hence God.
God can be turned to, and trusted, and obeyed.
And then the engine is disconnected from the transmission.
And then the wheels stop spinning.
And then change can begin.